I can not believe this. Todd; the guy I was talking about in my last entry. Well, for the past month, I thought we had something going on. He has a girlfriend, an off and on one. OKAY! He says “You knew that.” I come back with “No, not really. I thought you two was done.” He then says “No, you knew. Lets leave it at that.” And then asked “If I was going to tell his g/f about me and him sleeping together.”
He is nuts. I am nuts for still letting him be around me but I can’t help myself. I care about him so much. I just don’t how I am suppose to deal with it. I just want to write him a email because every-time I try to say something about my feelings to him, it just ends up coming out all wrong. It never sounds right. I replay it in my head and it sounds great but when it comes out it sounds like “huh?”. lol
I just don’t get it. This didn’t seem to start until this week. At the first of the week I went to my parents house. Todd calls and asked me if I wanted to hang out. I tell him where I’m at and he says “Cool, I will most likely go home and study.” So, I think he is at home studying. NOPE, he is at his g/f house and spent the night. A day goes by and then I call him and says well, I just need to stop by g/f house and get my stuff I left over there and then I will be at your house. He never shows. OMG! I was so hurt. I sent him a text message and wrote “Am I not good enough?” I’m not sure if he even got it. But I know he was over there all night again.
He then spent the next two nights over here with me and last night at his g/f house because he says she is getting worried. Then asks me If I’m going to tell her about me and him. No. It isn’t my job to tell her what is going on. It’s his.
He says he doesn’t know who to choose. She doesn’t bring anything to a relationship, she doesn’t really treat him that good and he says she can’t really help him with his problems. She is crazy. I don’t mean it like, fun crazy. I mean, like she gets a check crazy. She has a lot of issues. I think he likes the fact he is needed.
He says he really cares about me and he does want more from me but he doesn’t know what to do about her. I’m really trying to just wait and see. I want him to pick me. I want to be with him but I told him up front “I can’t keep being the other women.” I wouldn’t have been with him if I had known that fact but now that I have let him, I can’t help it right now.
I just don’t know, how to deal with it. I don’t know about anything anymore.