I feel so used sometimes. I know he doesn’t mean it that way. It feels sometimes that he always gets what he wants in the end and I am stuck doing all the dirty work. Even after everything is said and done.
I know he doesn’t get many days off from life and nor do I. I always feel like on my days off from everything I’m still stuck doing all the little things around the house because if I didn’t do them, they wouldn’t get done. Or I have things I have to get done around town or I have to go to EC (my hometown) for something. Always something. Never time down.
For once I want him to be like; don’t worry. I know he tells me “Go have fun. Do something you want to do. Shop. Or something like that.” I don’t want to shop for useless things. And on top of that, I don’t want to waste our money on stuff for me. I feel bad when I do that or I would never hear the end of it because we both know in the end I would get told I didn’t need to waste our money for stupid shit. I don’t have friends to hang out with. He knows I will stay here and get the necessary things done. I hope I’m right about he doesn’t realize I feel this way. I’m almost sure of it.
I’m not mad or upset because he has friends or on his time off he hangs out or does what he wants. I just want him to offer to help me out or offer to take his time to do what I have to do. It would be nice to just step back and truly breathe.
I’m kind of jealous of his life sometimes. . .he has so much going for him. I’m jealous because he is busy with important stuff. I’m stuck with the simple stuff. . .like working fast food and cleaning house. I hate my life sometimes. I do like the fact I have a nice place to live, I have a boyfriend that loves me but that’s it. That’s about the end of what I like about it. This upsets me.
I’m embarrassed to say what I do for a living. I’m embarrassed about all of it. I’m not important. . . Just jealous. . .I feel so. . .down.