Valarie

Band work & Breaking up for good

“Optimist or Pessimist? Do you call traffic signals go-lights?” — Unknown

I haven’t wrote in my blog like forever….I really should do it more often then I do but I have a small life….kind of.

Right now, I’m talking to Chase, Candice, and Jenni and Nikki just had to go about 10 mins. ago. She had to leave for work. =)

Kitten and I broke up….I believe that it was for the best….I know it hurts and all for the both of us. But I believe that everything happens for a reason and I believe that this is just like that too.

I am working on a new layout….well, trying to find images to make a new layout…..it’s going to be a Boys Don’t Cry layout if I can find the right images to make it with. =)

I went to the band room today and helped clean. It was hard work but hey I helped. =)

I’m off.

New layout once again…

“I’m not normally a religious man, but if you’re up there, save me, Superman!” — Homer (The Simpsons)

Well, my ankle and toe still hurt very badly. I can’t feel my toe at all, I can’t move it. I think that I cut something really bad in it. ='( I’m scared that I have. Mom said if it isn’t any better but in the morning, I am going to the doctor. I guess that’s a plus. Well, I don’t know!?! lmao

I seen my brother for the first time in 3 months or more. I was happy to see him, glad that he was still alive. After everything that he has been doing and been through. I was just happy to see him.

NEW layout!! I hope you like. I can’t help but to change layouts. I wanted something new…something that went with my mood. Janeane Garofalo has been one of my favorite actress for sometime now. I love and respect her work very much. I think that she is all around a great person. And also Kitten looks like her. : ) lmao Leave a comment telling me what you think? To simple? To much? What?

Anyway….
I bought a new DVD today, The Craft and I bought the VHS of The Crow. I wanted it on DVD too but mom said when we find it on DVD we will buy it too and just have two copies. I was like ‘okay, cool beans’.

I don’t know if Vamp will be able to keep her blog after all of this crap going on. I really hope she can. Her and I haven’t been friends very long but I still love her to death. If you don’t know Vamp and I know each other in real life. =) She has become one of my closest friends.

Also, I got a letter from Chris last week sometime and I finally got around to writing him back tonight. I wrote like a three page letter talking about everything because I’m like that with him (he is my best friend, dude). I hope mom will mail it off tomorrow before or after work sometime.

Maybe, I might go to bed now…..I don’t have to watch Caroline and Meadow tomorrow and I don’t have anything else to do unless I go to the doctor, so I should be able to sleep in!!

Projects & I HATE camping

“You just have to gay up everything, don’t you?” –Unknown (some guy on ABC)

I made my dad take me home from the “vacation”. I hated it. Camping should be renamed “crapping”. lol Camping would be fun with anyone else’s family but mine. Trust me!! I hate my family sometimes.

Kitten keeps calling me off and on. I’m home alone and I’m trying to get her to drive to my house to see me. It sounds like so much fun. I haven’t seen her since school let out.

[edit] I got Kitten to try to drive to my house and she got caught. Her mom called my house and everything…..OMG…I can’t believe this. She said there was no way of her getting caught. GREAT!! I’m so worried. I hope she is okay.[/edit]

OMG, I am finally in the last year of school. OMG!! Its great. And after high school. I get to move out and go off to college. I can’t wait.

I want to thank everyone who left a comment or emailed me. =) Also, NOTE TO HOSTEES: If you don’t update your site(blog) at least 1st a week, you WILL be delete. I’m tried of visiting my wonderful hostees and seeing that the have updated but once since they have moved in. I understand that you have all lives. Hell, so do I but its really stupid to ask to be hosted and “try” to run a site if you don’t have time for it. I know that sometimes, I can’t update but I try. =) So, please try to update….that’s one of the rules to be hosted here. Don’t follow the rules you are deleted.

Anyway, on a little note. I took over the HBO Fan listing and I opened the Pink Floyd The Wall fan listing. I am running 4 projects and my site. I think that I’m doing good.

If you like to join listings, please go join F-S listings. I am looking for lots of members. I only have but a hand full right now. So, please go join. =)

Well, I’m going to go clean some more. Make my mom happy when she gets back.

10 points 2 me

“Killing I understood. Relationships confused me.” –The Killing Dance, Laurell K. Hamilton

I hoped everything would get better but sometimes hopes are nothing and dreams are just dreams. I know that that’s sad to say but I am starting to believe that. Kitten doesn’t understand and I want her to so bad. I do.

I have did things that I’m not happy about and never will be but that gives her NO right to say mean things to me. I understand that she is hurt. Goddess, believe me but its still hurts me to have her say and do those mean things. What am I suppose to do, take it? In the end I do, I take everything she throws at me. EVERYTHING! No matter how big or small. I guess I should, I mean take the shit. She has been taking mine for ever it seems. I have put her in hell more then a number of counts. And she still loves me, I think that I should at least give her the respect she has given me. I want to but I don’t know how. I mean I try to, but in the end I always seem to fuck everything up. I hate that about my self.

I am trying so hard right now to make everyone happy. It doesn’t matter about me, just everyone else. I’m like that most of the time. Its always everyone else over me. I have been like that as long as I can remember.

You know what I have noticed. I have been getting longer and longer on this blog. Each entry just keeps growing. I know you people don’t read all of it. I wouldn’t…well, really I do because I write it but not the point.

“there she goes,there she goes again…”

Hell

If I told you this was killing me, would you stop?” –Unknown

Today has been one of the worse days of my life. I hate it. I hate myself mostly. I hate the fact I screwed up but most of all. For some reason, I don’t hate what I did. I hate the fact that Kitten and I ended the way we did. I hate the fact I made Kitten lose her best friend, over something like this. Something, that could have been so much worse.

But in the end I know it was worth everything. In the end it was worth every tear, every hug, every kiss, every laugh shared. I know that it hurts her to think she (Kitten) was suppose to trust us. That we was the few things she still had. It hurts to think that I hurt the few people I cared about.

Most of all it hurts me that I did such things without really thinking. Yes, I did think but yet I didn’t. I never thought that Kitten would break up with me. I fought a losing battle last night with her. Because as much as I wanted for her not to leave. Now, I want her so far away from me. I want her to leave me alone. I want her to fucking leave me and find someone who loves her for her and someone that can treat her with the respect that I never gave her. The respect she should have.

It doesn’t make me a bad person I believe that I don’t feel bad for what happen between me and her best friend. I don’t hate it at all. I hate that it had to end the way it did. I guess if that makes me a bad person then I’m a bad person.

I have had such a GREAT fucking day. It has just been great. I went to bed around 3am and I went to school. Took to finals. One in Chem 1 and the other in Spanish 1. I just know I failed the Spanish one but I don’t know about Chem. Tricia said that my chem teacher told her that NO one failed it. So, that has to be good. If I passed I will be so happy.

I added a new page. It is Life summed up. Kitten wrote it today about me. It really is my life summed up. I told her she really does know me if she can sum up my life like that in 3 pages. I laughed and then started to cry again. I cried soon as I read it because I knew that she knew me that well. I knew that she knew that I felt that way. I still know that she knows.

Chris also told me today that he likes/loves me. Chris. Chris!! My best friend in the whole world tells me this a day before school is out. God, I love my friends. I don’t know what I am going to do about any of this. I really don’t.

“when the shit hits the fan, it never lands evenly.” –Robert

Off to die……no, wait……live…maybe!!

Tricia is coming home with me tomorrow. I hope she can make me laugh. Right? I need it.