“Killing I understood. Relationships confused me.” –The Killing Dance, Laurell K. Hamilton

I hoped everything would get better but sometimes hopes are nothing and dreams are just dreams. I know that that’s sad to say but I am starting to believe that. Kitten doesn’t understand and I want her to so bad. I do.

I have did things that I’m not happy about and never will be but that gives her NO right to say mean things to me. I understand that she is hurt. Goddess, believe me but its still hurts me to have her say and do those mean things. What am I suppose to do, take it? In the end I do, I take everything she throws at me. EVERYTHING! No matter how big or small. I guess I should, I mean take the shit. She has been taking mine for ever it seems. I have put her in hell more then a number of counts. And she still loves me, I think that I should at least give her the respect she has given me. I want to but I don’t know how. I mean I try to, but in the end I always seem to fuck everything up. I hate that about my self.

I am trying so hard right now to make everyone happy. It doesn’t matter about me, just everyone else. I’m like that most of the time. Its always everyone else over me. I have been like that as long as I can remember.

You know what I have noticed. I have been getting longer and longer on this blog. Each entry just keeps growing. I know you people don’t read all of it. I wouldn’t…well, really I do because I write it but not the point.

“there she goes,there she goes again…”