1Apr   Odd dream

I’ve had this dream twice now. Both almost the same. I’m in a house, it feels like I own it or I live there. I’m sitting in the living room with Cody (my ex) we are talking, laughing as if no angry ever was between us. It’s never sexual. Just as if we had been best friends all this time.

I feel so guilty when I wake up because I know it’s wrong to have anything to do with him. I don’t want him in my life nor have I had him in my life in years. I’m not sure why all of a sudden I’m dreaming about him now.

I feel like my brain is trying to tell me something but I have no clue what. I’m completely happy with Kyle. I have everything I have every wanted or need. Very odd to say the least.

2Feb   Why hello there

I have missed you my wonderful blog. I have been so busy with life I almost forget that I have a blog or any projects I have. I need to take down everything and just not do it at all. I hate half assing anything. BTW, is half-assing a word? Firefox says assing is not. Hmmm. . . 😮 Also, if you wanted to know I added half-assing to my dictionary in Firefox. Just saying.

We got our school money today. All I can think about is how I want to pay one debit off with another. Which most of our money is grants, we have taken out a couple of loans. We got a large amount, which we was going to use as a down payment on a house, but since we need to work on our credit score and job history we will have to wait a little longer. But never the less we do have the money right now to pay off all of Kyle’s debit and improve his score and at least bring mine up some.

If you know me in real life or have been reading my blog for a while, you would realize I hate to wait for anything, so this whole waiting game of improving scores is killing me, but I know it will all work out.

Far as my entry about the ex, Faith you are totally right, he is trying to be very manipulative. He always has been and always will be. He wanted to pull me in and it’s not happening. For once in my life, I can rise above him and walk away and be okay with that.

I always wonder what people are doing in there lives once I’m not part of it anymore. I realize this is kind of dumb because I know the world doesn’t stop if I’m not in it but it’s fun to pretend that it does. lol 😀 It’s okay to have a big ego. . .sometimes. . .

It’s cool I wake up this awesome!! :love:

25Jan   Terrible blogger

I am a terrible blogger. I have been wanting to update, but it seems life always gets in the way. I just started another semester of school, still working and we had been trying to find a place to move but at last the house loan didn’t come through like we needed, so we are stuck here for a few more months but I made myself this promise. We will be in a house by next year at this time.

I have had so much I wanted to blog about, like ex boyfriend Cody texting me for the first time in forever or the fact that like I stated we was looking at houses to buy, or school starting. . .just really over all boring stuff.

Far as Cody texting me. He started the first text off with “Since you are still friends with my whole family we should be too” and then preceded to tell me that he “always promised to tell me if he ever got deployed“. Well, it’s a little late to start keeping promises now, don’t you think asshole!?! I’m just stating facts. You also promised to “always love me”, to “always be there for me” or and lets not forget “promised to marry me”. Did you keep any of those promises? Hell no!! Ahhh, what an asshole!!!! That’s all I got. What kind of nerve do you have to text me after all this time? I texted a few little things back but after I did I felt dirty and used and almost heartbroken all over again. . .why? I’m not sure or maybe I felt more sorry for him or whatever the case maybe. He tired texting me a week or so later but it was only one message stating “Well, Jenn I finally got my first tattoo.” I didn’t even bother responding. I’m not even going to again. I don’t like the feelings he brings up inside of me when he contacts me. I feel so much angry still and just plan sorry for him. I have decided when and I say when / if, but he has been the one to contact me every time since I decided I was no longer going to contact him back when me and Kyle got together, but like I said it isn’t if. . .it’s when he contacts me again I am going to send him this:

Error: Your message could not be sent. The Ex you’re trying to reach has moved on. Error number: 3 years wasted!

I think it will get the point across. He made comments when we first broke up if he got deployed could he still write me like he did in basic. I told him then why not write your whore you left me for. I mean, if she was worth losing / leaving me over, write her. I’m not going to waste my time on you. He seemed hurt by this statement at the time but it’s how I feel. I’m not hiding any feelings from him now. I have no reason too. Oh god he won’t talk to me again. Thank god!! I couldn’t get so lucky.

Anyway, on a better note I got another client site to do. I have two clients right now but one hasn’t got back with me since they paid. Weird, and the other one I just started. At least they are paying jobs. I love the fact I get to work on different kinds of projects that I normally wouldn’t do for myself. You know?

5Sep   Consequences of misfortune

Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.

Okay, last night early morning I stated I was going to blog about something that has been bothering me for a couple of weeks now. This being my ex Cody his mother Branda is dating a sex offender. This wouldn’t be nearly as bad if this sex offender wasn’t caught with “POSS W/INT TO PROMOTE CHILD PORNOGRAPHY”. And to even add more fuel to the fire, Branda has known this whole time of dating him. (Over 3 years now) She has let this man around her children and her grandchild which isn’t even a year old yet. It get’s worse; this man had pictures of children as young as six and seven years old on his computer. I looked over all the court records I could find, which seems to be all of them and I am horrified about this. Not only because of lack of parenting skills, but also the fact she doesn’t seem to have a problem with this fact. She is okay with this. And to make it even creeper, she also dresses in “cute” outfits for him. Right now, her FB page has her dressed as a lollipop girl. Does she not see this feeds his problem? I can’t believe as a mother she doesn’t want to protect her children. Her response is this “If I thought you guys (her children) was in any danger I would have said something.” My point of view is, why even temp it. Why even let your children get influence by a man that has this past?

In the court documents it stated he sent pictures of these children to other people, with subject titles “This is me and my niece, Sky.” Within these pictures was a man having sex with a child/pre-teen/teenager. What is okay about this? He claims that he was trying to catch someone doing this. Why on earth would you send pictures like that to other people? He didn’t have one but 17 pictures of children ranging from the age of six or seven to teenagers, maybe the age of 15 or 16. This is a very sick man. It turns my stomach to knots thinking about this. To think I ate meals with this man, been to his house, him in my house. AND I was almost family with this man.

You have to be kidding me? That’s all I could say when I found all this out. I am still almost speechless about it. I know this information because I have remain friends with Carrie, Cody’s step-mother and his father. As a father Chris is out raged, because she had the nerve to try to fight for custody for those boys to live with her and that man. How on God’s green earth can you think that is okay? I am glad Chris is taking the steps to protect his children because she isn’t; it looks like. She thinks it is completely okay and can’t figure out why everyone is upset about it. Yet again, I am repeating myself, are you kidding me? I just can’t picture that being okay in any situation.

People never seem to surprise me. And the kids are mad at Chris and Carrie. I’m not even sure why. They said that it isn’t just causing trouble for Branda’s boyfriend but also her. Well, sometimes, you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. Her consequences for letting someone like that around her children and thinking it is okay might be losing her children forever. And I don’t see how that would be a problem at this point. I don’t see how that would be a bad thing.

Okay, I have a ton more to say but I might start repeating myself. Not sure how to end this but I hope for Chris and Carrie this can be settled like adults and not cause anymore problems then what it has but I don’t see that happening due to the fact, the children (Cody, Micki, Rowdy and Cortland) are so bad about blaming others for actions that themselves has done and not handling there own consequences and seeing both sides without being biased. Everyone in that family besides Chris and Carrie will stab someone in the back and take sweet to their face and because of this, they agree with Chris today and tomorrow their mother is right. I feel very sorry for this family. They will never grow as people because of this. They will be stuck in this ugly cycle.

18Aug   I am a better person because you weren’t

Tonight the ex sent me a thank you text message for returning the last of his stuff to him. (It’s only been over a year since we broke up.) I bagged it up and gave it to his father. What I really wanted to do with it, was burn it and leave the ashes on his door step like he did mine during our first break up but I am a believer in karma. So, I did the right thing.

Does it still make me a bad person for thinking that? Or wanting to do that still?

He will remain a piece of shit for what he did to me. He left me used and broken. Tried to play me for a fool and I still was going to give him another chance. Something was wrong with me. . .and I see now what it was. He had me thinking I couldn’t live without him. His mistake. I could. I had a life before him and I will have a life after him.

I told someone the other day. Him cheating and leaving was the best thing he ever did for me. Why? Because it taught me that I can survive heartache like that. It taught me watch my step and don’t just give my heart away so easily. It changed me into a better person. It taught me more then I could ever put into words. And if he hadn’t left me. I would have never found Kyle.

Kyle is the most amazing, perfect other half if their ever was one. He has made me whole again and without him I would truly be lost. I am thankful everyday for him. I wouldn’t trade my past for anything. If I changed one thing, I wouldn’t be going to sleep every night in the arms of the man I love.

So, thank you Cody. Thank you for being a piece of shit and doing what you did. I truly mean that. I am grateful now for it. I am a better person because you weren’t.