Secret Lyric Game

June 30

This is a little game I made up. Kind of like the Secret Game. You take lyrics and everyone tries to guess which lyrics are for them. Here goes:

1.)
and this is how it feels. . .
as we go on, we remember
all the times we, had together
and as our lives change
come whatever
we will still be friends forever

Graduation Friends Forever –Vitamin C

2.)
We’re just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.

Wish You Were Here –Pink Floyd

3.)
I really feel
That I’m losing my best friend
I can’t believe
This could be the end

Don’t Speak –No Doubt

4.)
Sweet 16 today
She’s looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.

Butterfly Kisses –Bob Carlisle

5.)
I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it

I Kissed A Girl –Katy Perry

6.)
Would you look at her
She looks at me
Shes got me thinking about her constantly
But she don’t know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if shes figured out
I’m crazy for this girl

Crazy for This Girl to –Evan And Jaron

Go a head and guess. I bet you won’t know. lol You might. 🙂 Hope you like this game.

Would you want to watch it?

June 22

I randomly think about the good and bad times. The moments that make us, well, us. The moments that in an instant will either break us or make us the person we are today. The moment that changed everything about our lives. The one choice that lead us to the path we are today. I think about what moment, what choice, what help make us make this choice, this decision. I wonder how or why we got the conclusion we did.

I randomly think about the choices that have got me to this point in my life. Not just everyone else, but me. It is hard for me to believe I was married for 3 years. It is even harder for me to believe I was with Cody for almost a year. Not hard because it was bad but over all. It is hard for me to believe just over 4 years of my life is gone. . .and I am scared if I blink, another 4 years will be gone. . .If I fall a sleep, I will a wake an old women. Scared of what will lay a head of me.

My father told me as a child I was wishing my life way. You wish to be 16, then 18, then 21 before you know it, you blink your 40. I am starting to believe that. My weeks seem to be getting shorter and my months seem to fly by. I tell myself this is all because I’m so busy. I really, don’t think that it is. I think it is because of my age. I have already wished all my years way. Now time is speeding up. I remember as a kid, the summers would last forever. Our two week breaks would never end. Weekends lasted longer then just a few moments. I still get the two day weekends. They are over before I know it.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not wishing to move time, I’m not wanting to change my past and I truly will never regret my past. Cody once told me, If your life was a movie, would you want to watch it?

Then it hit me, how true is that. Why live life any other way? I imagine when my life is over, when it is all said and done with sitting there watching my life. This beautiful movie, this work of art. I can imagine myself laughing, turning red A LOT, crying, wanting to change the channel but never ever taking back anything, not one moment. Never changing a thing.

I truly believe I am happy with these choices. I truly believe that I am a wonderful person. With all my flaws, imperfectness, with all of my downsides. I am truly a beautiful person and I feel like it has taken me years to finally see that. I am what ever you say I am, but I know what I am.

Everyone has something to hide

September 26

I got this idea from one of my friends on her myspace profile. You type a little info about how you feel about someone. You don’t put names and you let them guess, who is who. I like the idea. I think it kind of helps me. 🙂 Most likely half the people that these are about won’t even read it but that’s okay. It’s still there if they do decide to be apart of my life again.

  1. We are so many miles a part. I just wish I was their for you as much as you have been for me.
  2. I don’t understand you. I never have. You was one of my first loves. I just wish you didn’t look down apon me so.
  3. I will always love you. I wish sometimes we didn’t live so far apart and we could have got a long.
  4. Simply put, I miss your friendship. You was one of the people that loved me for me. I need you again.
  5. I know we don’t talk very often. I think about you just about every other day. You need to get on a bus and come and see me. . .NOW.
  6. It wasn’t all bad, was it?
  7. I don’t think I have ever or ever will again love someone like I love you. I don’t want to fight anymore. And I hope what you hope, let it not be right now. Please not now. . .later is fine. . .but not now.

Such jealousy

September 25

I was upset about a week ago over an act that Cj done to me. I wanted to let it go but it still kind of bothers me. He read my myspace messages. Well, really it was only one. And that one was to my ex-husband. We (as me and my ex-husband) both promised to stay friends if we ever go divorced and now that we are we still talk on the phone about once a month and now we email about that often. Nothing big, just to check on each other.

I don’t understand this jealousy thing he has over me. I have never had that before. Everyone I have ever been with has never acted like that before until now. I understand that he is scared of losing me but like I told him. He doesn’t have anything to worry about. I want to understand.

I want to forget it happen. He told me “He understood if I left or wanted him to move out or whatever”. But I love him very much and he said he wouldn’t do it again. I want to believe him. I want to be like “Okay”. But for some reason I say I’m okay and I have went on and I have forgave him for this act but still I let it sit in the back of my mind. Nothing like it is going to sit there and then I just blow up one day. Nothing even like that. I just think about it from time to time. I almost don’t want to leave my account on my computer open. He doesn’t have my passwords but on the other hand; I don’t have anything to hide. I didn’t care that he read it. I just wanted him to ask first. I don’t have anything to hide from anyone, let a lone him.

I find it useless to hide anything. It just causes problems but I feel like he hides things from me. He might not but I still can’t help to fill that way. Maybe it’s because I don’t hide anything and I feel like everyone has something to hide. Oh, well, I know. . .well, hope if he is that he will tell me and not keep it from me ever. He says he feels that everyone has secrets. Maybe he is right. . .

D-Day

June 18

Well, I’m finally divorced. It was final today. I remember after I signed all the paper work I was so happy. Now, I’m not sure what I feel. I know that I still don’t want to be with him but I also know that I still care about him very much. I wish him nothing but happiness for him.

I have so much still going on in my life. I still don’t have a job. I will be watching my nieces this week to make a little money. Then I’m not totally sure if I’m still moving or not. I think I might be moving in to BG. I just don’t know what to do.

I not sure what I need to do. If I move to BG my parents are going to kill me. I don’t need them to approve of my life, but I do like the idea of them being a part of it. I don’t really care if they like what I’m doing or not. My mom just keeps telling me that I need to just worry about what’s going on with me. And what is going to make me happy. Well, Cj does make me happy. He makes me feel so good again. It’s nice having that. :heart:

I want him in my life. I want him with me. I don’t think I could keep living here in Glasgow if he wasn’t here. It was going to make it really hard on us as a couple if we didn’t figure something out. I’m not totally sure if this is the best idea but I know I don’t want him dropping out of school or anything. I want him to follow his dreams.

Some many questions and not enough answers. Like always.