Since I turned 31

I’ve not updated in so long I feel like I don’t even have a blog anymore. I miss blogging but it’s like I don’t have time or I just don’t “feel” like it or it’s not what the cool kids or doing anymore. I know that sounds silly. I truly miss blogging. I need to get back in to the habit of it; if only just to write to write.

Since I turned 31 in November, I decided I had to make some changes and do more things for me and my family. One of those things was change careers. I started school in January for Medical Billing and Coding. I’m only a few courses in but I hope to like it. I just know I need to make a little better money and working from home like I am now would be a bonus when I switch jobs.

Also, Kyle and I have decided to not pursue IVF. I was going to say we but it’s more I don’t have the heart to do IVF to get a negative result nor do I want to put the money into IVF to try once. Our insurance has a life time pay out of $10,000 on infertility but after all the tests it has paid on and then what the IVF would cost us out of pocket. It still is a lot of money for us to try. Then once the $10,000 is gone. We have to start paying out of pocket. Which we all know, once is never enough when trying with IVF. Normally it takes a few tries. I can’t take the heart break of all the times. My body can’t take it. My doctors aren’t to sure I can even carry anyway.

At this point Kyle and I have decided to pursue foster care to adopt. It’s low cost, lots of children need a home and we have lots of love to give them. We decided everything with that process is a little easier on our hearts than IVF. I know it’s hard. I know it can be just as heart breaking but I can physically hold a foster child in my arms to love. I can’t hold a promise that the IVF might work. This, this I can. I know this is what is right for us. I know it isn’t for everyone and that’s okay. That’s what is so hard about infertility and if you haven’t had the fight, it’s hard to understand. It’s hard to understand the idea of not being able to continue your bloodline with your husband or face another baby shower invite or one person saying “just relax” or “once you adopt, that’s when you will get pregnant.”. Those “pills” are the hardest to swallow. But I digress.

Anyway, I am going to try to at least start updating once a week. No promises. Work on a new theme. Who knows. I take tons of pictures. Maybe bring back Wordless Wednesday again. 🙂


Time where did it go

It’s been a while since I last updated. I’ve been wanting to update but who has the time. I mean, I guess I have had the time. Over all I just felt like I haven’t.

My in-laws moved back from Florida this past November and had been staying with us until this past week when they got their own place. It just took them a little longer than they wanted to find the right one. Then like normal I have Meadow every weekend. I keep Zoe (my friend’s little girl, she’s 6 years old) every day, well, I put her on the bus, get her off the bus and do all homework every day. Sometimes, have her more often then that.

Plus, I coupon still. I have also started cleaning Kyle’s grandmother apartment once a month and cleaning for my grandmother about 2 – 3 times monthly and I have to do all grocery shopping for my grandmother since my step-grandfather got sick. It makes it hard to have time management skills, if you don’t have time to manage. I also still have to keep up with our normal house stuff and animals and what not. It makes normal living hard when you have so many people pulling on you each way.

We are still trying to have a baby, which we know we still have to do IVF. We hope to start that this spring. Money is always playing the biggest part in that. We have been working on paying off credit debit and improving credit scores and what not. Plus, trying to improve our home a little at a time. Which isn’t easy nor cheap. It all takes time. . .which feels like we don’t have.

I turn 30 this year and I feel like the clock is just ticking away. I feel the clock just ticking louder and louder. Which I hate. The joys of beating teen pregnancy, and 20 something pregnancy. I just don’t know if I can handle turning 30 and being childless. We are suppose to have our family now. We did everything right. We work, we pay bills, we got the house, we got married. We have the “american” dream. Why can’t we have this? Why does my bank account decide if we can try to have kids?

It feels like every meth-head around me is having baby after baby. Every unemployed mother/father living off the government can have a baby but because we do the right thing and my body, my husband’s body (we are the 20% that infertility effects both people) can’t do the one thing it is suppose to do we can’t get help. How is that fair? The government will pay for WIC, food stamps and medical care for all these people, but won’t help me become pregnant. Or help pay half the bill, anything at this point would help. It just doesn’t seem fair. Maybe if I had been irresponsible as a teen or as a young adult it would be different, I could have 2 or 3 kids with as many baby-daddies and let them pay the bill. But at last, I did the right thing, waited till I was married, ready to have kids. And then, I feel like it’s now almost to late. Which I know is silly, women now have kids almost to 40. Just feels silly sometimes. Hurtful somehow.


I have been trying my hands at couponing for the last month of so. I have been doing pretty good. The main key is to use your coupons when stuff is on sale. And the great thing about our local Kroger’s is that they double any coupon up to $0.50. Which is nice when you have items on sale for a $1.00 and you have a $0.50 off coupon. Between sales and coupons I have saved up to 50% on my tickets or a little more depending.

This past weekend Purex was on sale at Walgreens for 2/$6.00. If you bought that, when you checked out it printed out a $2.00 off Purex coupon. Which I turned around and used again. I also, had $5.00 in Walgreen points I could use on a purchase. I had a coupon for shaving cream which was on sale as well for $1.29 with a $0.50 coupon. Two bottles of Purex and a bottle of shaving cream cost me $0.23 out of pocket. I can’t beat that. I’m no “extreme couponer” but I can do enough that it does save us money.

I do have the time to cut coupons and I normally buy two Sunday newspapers and my grandmother gives me her coupons out of her newspapers each week. That being said, I spend around $4.00 a week on coupons. But I save more than that just with one purchase if I use my coupons right.

If anyone else does couponing, please feel free to leave a comment on how you do it or how much you save. I am enjoying learning and seeing how others do their couponing.

Doing the adult thing

I am glad we did our taxes and didn’t have to pay in. We already got our state back, all $45. Now we are waiting on our Federal which should be here Wednesday. We are getting enough back we can pay off at least our lawn mower we were leasing, a couple credit cards and new glasses. It won’t leave any really to put back in savings but getting a few things paid off will. Plus, I should be starting my second job very soon. That is where I am putting money back to pay things off. That second income will go right into savings and only touched to pay off the credit cards. We only have around $5,000 in debit but I want it gone.

I also want to start saving for our IVF and pay off some all bills on my credit report to bring it up. I want those things gone so we can move forward with getting small loans to upgrade things around our house. I want new hard wood floors and new carpet in the house. If I keep my second job, we most likely won’t have to get loans we may just pay up front if we can every get everything going to plan.

The joys of being an adult. I don’t remember anyone ever telling me that this would be fun and I have no clue why I thought being an adult would be. lol.

The eye of the beholder

I wrote this in May 2009 and it holds just as much true now as it did then. I thought I would repost it.

It’s all about perception. How we perceive things. How we perceive the situation. How we look at it from our point of view.

We all see things one way or another. How we look at something is why we do what we do in the end. Why we decide to move or pick our friends, the job we have. We all have reasons. In the end it is why we did what we did.

I can’t explain some of my actions over the years. All I can say is it was how I perceived the situation at that time. I did what I felt was right at that time. I wish I had more of an answer but I don’t. This upsets me to a point but all in all. I can’t take it back. I can try to make up for it. I can try to hope that when I am dead and gone and I am watching this movie called “Life”. I can laugh and realize their was a point to it all.

That my love didn’t die in vane. My thoughts and feelings was for no reason. That my ideas was there and meaningful. I hope in the end how I perceived things was everything that I had hoped for. That I couldn’t have asked for more.