I am so heartbroken I haven’t became pregnant yet. Kyle and I have been trying for almost 3 years. I have had two surgeries trying to fix whatever is wrong with me and nothing has helped. My doctor said he wanted to send me to a infertility specialist since he really doesn’t deal with infertility on a regular basis. I am sad but I’m kind of happy too. It really is a love hate kind of deal. I am happy my doctor is good enough to tell me up front he doesn’t deal with this all the time and hasn’t wasted my time in the process. He has been wonderful up until this point. He said he will continue to work with the infertility clinic to ensure the best of care.

I have an appointment October 2nd. I hope to get a better idea of what is going on. I am so damn frustrated because I have put myself through a lot of pain to not have an answer. I feel like I am so alone with the whole process too because everyone either tells me to just “relax” or “it will happen”. That is easy to say when you already have kids. Plus, I feel like everyone around me is either pregnant or just had a baby. It’s like a kick right in the non-baby maker.

Unless you have the problem, you will never understand the hurt I have when I wake every month knowing I will start my period and not be pregnant. The only thing I want to complete my family and I can’t have it. But I am sure if I was on meth or didn’t have a job or a dead beat husband / boyfriend I would have two or three kids. I know that is a very shitty thing to say but you know, that’s how it seems to be around here.