Hblog no more

April 30

I delete the hostee blog and going to add one more new hostee. Maybe another. I just don’t know yet.

Going to add some pictures soon. Not of prom but other random things. And adding some rants. I think I need to get out some of this anger. What do you think? LOL

Off to read!

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Busy & Lazy bum

April 30

Man, I have need to update this for a while, I just haven’t had the time. My bad! lmao

First off, Prom was great! First, we went to the mall and ate. Like all these preppy (sp?) kids kept looking at us so, I turned and waved at them and they turned back around real fast like nothing happen. I was like prove you guys wrong, we are BETTER then you!! lol

Then, we went to prom an hour late. By then a fight happen and two girls got kicked out. : ) Very funny!! Two of the girls I don’t like. So, that made it all that much better. =)

Then, around 9:45pm or so the DJ’s shit blows and we didn’t have music for an hour and a half. NOT fun at all. Everyone just sat around and talked. I was BORED out of my mind. Also, Everyone in my group found out that I’m a bitch if I don’t eat when I want to. I was being such an ass. It was great. lmao

Around 10:45 or a little bit later the music finally got turned back on, but most of the people had all ready left. But Candice and me got out on the dance floor just her and me and broke it down. It was fun. But before all that Chris, Candice, Kim, and Me go booty (sp?) together. Real fun!!! I loved it.

Kitten and I got to slow dance together. So, I was happy. We got to stay together for like 13 hours that night. The after prom party, which in reality was a lock in were you couldn’t go anywhere but this big room with games and a TV. Its like a big co-ed sleep over but with out sleeping. Well, some people slept but not many. I slept all day Sunday. And went to bed early Sunday night as well and still slept all night.

I will write more later. I need to go work on some things. : )

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April 26

Prom is tonight. I am getting picked up by Lizzy-Bell around 12:00pm and she is going to do my hair and makeup. Then around 5:00pm I am getting picked by mom-bob (Tricia’s mommy). And we are going to have Jenny, Kitten, Emily, me, and Tricia in her mom’s van. This is going to be fun. We are going to go to the place where prom is at take pictures, then go out to eat at the local mall and then come back to prom. Stay there from 8:00pm until 12:00am. Then go to the after prom party (a lock in). And we will be locked in until 6:00am. I hope I have fun. My friends and I are going to walk around the mall telling people this is how we dress all the time and we don’t know whats wrong with these people. LOL

I spend the night with my grandmother last night. I got to read like over half my book. I was happy.

I want to think Adrienne and Evy for posting a comment. Thanks, it means a lot to me. : )

Talk to you all tomorrow. See-ya Sunday!! =) Off to PARTTTY!!

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I hurt people. . .

April 24

“Realize that this life you thought was yours was a dream you had been dreaming for ten thousand years.” -Some Guy’s Finger Nail, by: me

I feel like that a lot. I mean that little bit of poem. It says how I feel. It says what I am feeling right now in this moment.

I fear that I might be slipping back in to a depression. Very slowly at first but it seems to be getting closer….I don’t laugh as much as I use to and I don’t talk as much. It kind of scares me. I use to have a lot of bad habits when I was depressed. I did a lot of things that wasn’t good for me. That hurt me physically and mentally. I use to sit and cry for hours on end about how I wanted to just be off alone. I hated feeling like that. It hurt me horrible. I almost died inside.

It was really hard on me to get better. So you can only think about much it hurts to be fearing something that has happen once and stayed for almost two years. It hurts…

I realized that I hurt people….more often then I really knew. I called an ex-boyfriend today just to talk. And he read me one of his stories he wrote for college and I wanted to cry. I think he thought he said something wrong to make me get off the phone with him but he didn’t. It’s just that I realized that I hurt him very badly. I feel so horrible for it. I have hurt Kitten more then her share. I have hurt ex-best friends, people that has been very “IN” love with me.

I have been told that its easy to fall in love with me. I don’t know if it is. I sometimes wished I hadn’t met some of those people; it would make it easier on them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that I got to be with them but in the end I believe that it would had been better to just had never met.

Off to cry, think, hope that my fears aren’t become my reality and to maybe sleep a little.

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Fuck It All

April 23

I’m in such a odd mood. Today was been just peachy. NOT really!!

I have cried, got upset and kept up a good spirit the whole time. Give me a freaking bone here!! LMAO

I still don’t know how I’m getting to prom. I need to learn to drive. But on a higher note…I got my permit last week. I can’t really drive that well but hey I’m going to learn.

I heard from an old friend. I emailed them back and I’m might be calling them in a few. 🙂 I think that I might.

Off to go call people. Old friends, Tricia, Jenny, and maybe Kitten….but Kitten way later.

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