Keith

Just a few more days. . .

Just a few more days until I turn 20. :woot: I can’t believe I’m already turning 20 and in March Keith and I will be together 2 years. MAN, time has been flying by. You know?

In just a few weeks Christmas is going to be here and Keith and I haven’t done any shopping. Can you believe that? I know I can. With my second check Keith and I are going to go do some Christmas shopping. I hope we can get everything. I want some of my money just for me. 😆 My first check is going for rent. Which kind of sucks but that’s what I agreed too. I know once a month I will get only one of my checks but that helps out Keith so much. I know I can work two weeks and I have rent. That’s good. I like the fact I still get to keep one of my checks :money: a month and I get to spend a little money on Keith and I.

I told Keith I want a date night once a month. I’m not asking for anything big. I just want one night for us. Maybe go out to a movie :movie: then dinner and then home for the night. :hearts: I just want Keith and I to stay close. I don’t want to get to the point where we don’t even talk. That would be bad.

Work has still be going pretty well. I get people throwing money at me, I get people yelling at me and so on but that’s a life of a fast food worker. I just smile and tell them I’m sorry and to have a nice day. How great is that? I have to take it. But remember everyone else is right.

I finally got around to writing my brother again but I still haven’t sent it off. It’s his birthday Sunday and I got him a card and I’m printing out some pictures. I can’t give him a gift or anything. That whole jail thing keeps me from it. I want to see my brother but I don’t know when that will happen. I was so busy before and now it seems impossible

I have so much I want to do but I still haven’t got around to it. I want to make a new layout tonight and change somethings about the site and so on. I most likely will because I’m trying to stay up to Keith gets home so I can see him. Since I don’t have to be at work until 5pm tomorrow. I close. I wish I closed all the time but this week I had days and nights. It sucked really bad. That whole whole morning thing. :yawn:

Useless Fact Number #0132154

Does beheading hurt? Yes. A medical study in 1983 concluded that no matter how efficient the method of execution, a few seconds of pain is inevitable when losing one’s head. The guillotine, considered one of the more “humane” methods, relies on severing the brain and spinal cord after cutting the surrounding tissues. Even so, at least two to three seconds of intense pain cannot be avoided. There are many accounts of the heads of executed people continuing to show movement or expression long after the final blow. One particularly gruesome experiment in 1905 involved a French physician who called out the name of the condemned man in the seconds after decapitation. The response was for the eyelids over the severed head to slowly lift up and then the pupils focused on the doctor before then slowly closing again. The doctor claimed that when he repeated the dead man’s name, the same actions took place. It was only at the third attempt that the head gave no response. The exact of amount of pain of course relies on the proficiency of the executioner. When Mary Queen of Scots was beheaded in 1587, the axe man took three attempts to sever the head and even then had to finish the job with a knife.

Tired but here

I’m tired but I’m here. I will be more happy once I get my check and see how my hard work has paid off. I know not very much but it does pay. I will have 39 hours in this week at close. Thank god tomorrow is my day off. Then next week I think I have around 35 hours. I’m getting the hours but WOW I am so tired. I try to get as much sleep as I can but I still want to see my baby.

We are doing better not the best but better. I love him so much. :hearts: I just want us to be better. I know we are working on it but now since I’m work and he is working. Neither one of us really see each other to talk. Maybe we will next week sometime. We have one day off together. That day is us day! 😆

Work went well

Work went very well today. I was worried all day that I was going to just suck but over all I did good. I was on drive-thru all day. I worked from 9:45am to 4pm. Which is a lot of hours my first day back on the job. I’m not use to standing on my feet for long periods of time but I’m sure I will get use to it. I don’t mind working. Matter of fact I love working. It’s really hard and stressful but it’s very fulling if you know what I mean. Working for my own money. I like that idea. It makes me happy thinking about it.

I dealt with the lunch rush my first day. :wow: And they didn’t take me off drive-thru all day. I was told if they didn’t take me off of it then that means I was doing great. 😳 I can tell I worked but that is a good thing.

I wanting for Keith to call me on his last break before I go to bed. :yawn: I took a little nap so I’m okay for right now. I told him to wake me up when he came to bed so I can kiss him and tell him how much I love him. I want him to know that I care.

Things are looking up

Well, it seems things are finally looking up for me. I finally got a job at Wendy’s. It’s not the best job in the world but it pays. And that is what matters. I’m not sure why I will start out as but I’m guessing $6.00 or $5.75. Nothing less I hope. I start work tomorrow at 9:45am. I have to train on days and then I will be a closer. Which the hours start at 4pm to 12:30am. Which I won’t mind at all because then Keith can take me to work and we can still see each other. I can’t wait to start getting paid.

About my past entry. Keith and I have been talking more and things have seem to get better. Which is always good.

That’s all I have to stay right now. I’m trying to get all the house work done before tomorrow. Plus Lee and Jeremiah are coming over as well. They should be here anytime. :yay: For friends.

BTW, look what I made: :margarita: and :burger:. I’m so proud.

Let the words come out

I have so many thoughts running around in my head right now. I wish I could put them in to words. I don’t know if I can. Saturday would have been the due date of our child. I can’t believe it has already been 9 months. It is still hard today as it was 6 months ago when I had the miscarriage. 😥 I’m not sure how I’m suppose to feel. All I know is that it is killing me on the inside and it is starting to show on the outside. I told Keith last night that I felt numb. It make me cry so hard when I told him that. It’s not that I feel numb all the time but it has been more and more lately. I wish I knew how to stop it. Keith said he could feel me drawing away from him. I’m not meaning too but I know I have been. I love my husband and I know he loves me. We are happy most of the time but since the miscarriage we fight more and we don’t talk as much and so on. We still have our talks before bed and we still make love. So, I know we aren’t to far gone.

I don’t really believe that we are that far gone anyway. I just think we need to talk it out more and get it all of it out. We have held it in to long. I think that we just held it in for so long that this is what happens. I know it sounds crazy but I sincerely believe that’s what happen. That we keep trying to find ways to fill that void and nothing seems to be working. I just want the pain to stop and I know Keith feels the same way. Some days I feel like I use to and I hate that. I hate the fact I still have those feelings from time to time. Knowing that I have such a wonderful husband that loves me, that makes me so happy, that I make him so happy. It hurts. I fought so hard to get better and I will be damned if I get like that again.

I just want everything to be like it was before the miscarriage. The happy couple that never had a cross word, the couple that held each other close every night and. . . and just. . . I don’t know. I want us to be us again. I don’t know if that makes any since.

I hope this finds it way to Keith. I try talk to him but the words never come out right. I always seem to get lost in thought. I go to talk and my mouth never seems to move right. I never thought it would be hard to talk to Keith but it seems it has gotten to that point. Am I a horrible person . . . wife for feeling like that?