I’m not sure how to sum up what I have been doing the last couple of weeks since I last updated besides I have been trying to get back to a normal life. I have been trying to get myself back in to working 3 to 4 days a week. Time with family and get a few extra things around my home done.
I have some great plans for my trailer. I have paint sitting at my grandma’s I am getting to paint my bathroom and kitchen. I also have bought new kitchen floor tiles to lay down. Which I did my bathroom tiles, so nothing new there. That is just the inside. I have some outside projects too but I’m not sure how to get to those just yet.
Then Mom and I are planing a Holiday World trip at the end of July. I hope that will be fun. I don’t hope, I know it will be fun. Mom, dad, me and the girls. I am sure we will have a blast. We are planing a two day trip. Staying in a hotel one night. A nice mini-vacation.
I did register for classes a little over a week ago. I’m pretty happy about my weekly schedule. I will be only going to class on Monday and Wednesday. That means, I can still work 3 days a week. 🙂 Also, I have only on Mondays a three hour block before my last class, so I can do homework and do my work for my online class.
My classes are:
- Intro to Computers (Which is required but I don’t need it. Should pass this super easy.)
- Computer Software Maintenance
- Computer Hardware Maintenance
- Web Page Development
It feels like I am going to have some pretty easy classes this semester and on top of that they are feel like I can keep up. I won’t know until I have class and get to know my teachers but I am super excited.
On the plus side I just bought my laptop in February, so I at least have a good laptop for school. I am getting back a large sum of money so I can have living money. I think over all everything is going to be okay. Well, I hope so.
Let me rephrase that, in this area of my life everything seems to be okay.
I promised blog entries. So, here is one.
I have been so confused and lost at points in the last few weeks. I have been happy and overwhelmed. I have been sad and depressed. Thought I couldn’t go any lower. Then I have been able to look, reflect and try to study why I am where I am.
I don’t have answers still to why Cody did what he did to me. Why they was more important and I was tossed to the side. Maybe with time I can get answers. But now he says he wants to work on friendship. It has been easier with time to be able to at least speak with him on the phone.
I don’t know if I am ready for a face to face meet up yet with him but with time I am sure I will be. With time, it heals all. Each day gets easier. . .let me rephrase that. Most days now are easier. I still have some long nights and short days it feels like. The nights seem to be when I miss him the most. Nights are so lonely.
I still hurt and I still don’t understand. I feel like I wasn’t go enough. But I read a quote and it seems to make it a little easier.
You can love someone and still be wrong for them.
I feel like that is the case right now because Cody is a really nice guy when he isn’t with me. And I like to think I am pretty awesome. 🙂 But when we are together, we seem to bring out the evil. Like we are a bad set of wonder twins.
I don’t question if he loves me, because love has nothing to do with us. We love each other more then I think two people should be able to love. We are are wrong for each other. . .I know it doesn’t seem to be possible but I think it is. Love is such a funny thing. It can happen and without you even realize take over and just fuck everything up. It makes you question yourself, it makes you do weird things. It just. . .is. . .AHHHHH! I don’t know. It’s crazy.
I want to think that this is all a bad dream and he is still at Basic training and I’m waiting to pick him up. That he still loves me and wants to be with me. That none of this happen but it sets in and I realize that isn’t the case at all. I’m here, alone. Just me and the cats. *sad face* 🙁
I am planing on writing a lot more blog entries coming soon but I have been so busy with life, I haven’t had a chance.
This is my update, to state I’m not dead. lol
I’m off like a prom dress!