Just a few more days. . .

Just a few more days until I turn 20. :woot: I can’t believe I’m already turning 20 and in March Keith and I will be together 2 years. MAN, time has been flying by. You know?

In just a few weeks Christmas is going to be here and Keith and I haven’t done any shopping. Can you believe that? I know I can. With my second check Keith and I are going to go do some Christmas shopping. I hope we can get everything. I want some of my money just for me. πŸ˜† My first check is going for rent. Which kind of sucks but that’s what I agreed too. I know once a month I will get only one of my checks but that helps out Keith so much. I know I can work two weeks and I have rent. That’s good. I like the fact I still get to keep one of my checks :money: a month and I get to spend a little money on Keith and I.

I told Keith I want a date night once a month. I’m not asking for anything big. I just want one night for us. Maybe go out to a movie :movie: then dinner and then home for the night. :hearts: I just want Keith and I to stay close. I don’t want to get to the point where we don’t even talk. That would be bad.

Work has still be going pretty well. I get people throwing money at me, I get people yelling at me and so on but that’s a life of a fast food worker. I just smile and tell them I’m sorry and to have a nice day. How great is that? I have to take it. But remember everyone else is right.

I finally got around to writing my brother again but I still haven’t sent it off. It’s his birthday Sunday and I got him a card and I’m printing out some pictures. I can’t give him a gift or anything. That whole jail thing keeps me from it. I want to see my brother but I don’t know when that will happen. I was so busy before and now it seems impossible

I have so much I want to do but I still haven’t got around to it. I want to make a new layout tonight and change somethings about the site and so on. I most likely will because I’m trying to stay up to Keith gets home so I can see him. Since I don’t have to be at work until 5pm tomorrow. I close. I wish I closed all the time but this week I had days and nights. It sucked really bad. That whole whole morning thing. :yawn:

Useless Fact Number #0132154

Does beheading hurt? Yes. A medical study in 1983 concluded that no matter how efficient the method of execution, a few seconds of pain is inevitable when losing one’s head. The guillotine, considered one of the more “humane” methods, relies on severing the brain and spinal cord after cutting the surrounding tissues. Even so, at least two to three seconds of intense pain cannot be avoided. There are many accounts of the heads of executed people continuing to show movement or expression long after the final blow. One particularly gruesome experiment in 1905 involved a French physician who called out the name of the condemned man in the seconds after decapitation. The response was for the eyelids over the severed head to slowly lift up and then the pupils focused on the doctor before then slowly closing again. The doctor claimed that when he repeated the dead man’s name, the same actions took place. It was only at the third attempt that the head gave no response. The exact of amount of pain of course relies on the proficiency of the executioner. When Mary Queen of Scots was beheaded in 1587, the axe man took three attempts to sever the head and even then had to finish the job with a knife.

Let the words come out

I have so many thoughts running around in my head right now. I wish I could put them in to words. I don’t know if I can. Saturday would have been the due date of our child. I can’t believe it has already been 9 months. It is still hard today as it was 6 months ago when I had the miscarriage. πŸ˜₯ I’m not sure how I’m suppose to feel. All I know is that it is killing me on the inside and it is starting to show on the outside. I told Keith last night that I felt numb. It make me cry so hard when I told him that. It’s not that I feel numb all the time but it has been more and more lately. I wish I knew how to stop it. Keith said he could feel me drawing away from him. I’m not meaning too but I know I have been. I love my husband and I know he loves me. We are happy most of the time but since the miscarriage we fight more and we don’t talk as much and so on. We still have our talks before bed and we still make love. So, I know we aren’t to far gone.

I don’t really believe that we are that far gone anyway. I just think we need to talk it out more and get it all of it out. We have held it in to long. I think that we just held it in for so long that this is what happens. I know it sounds crazy but I sincerely believe that’s what happen. That we keep trying to find ways to fill that void and nothing seems to be working. I just want the pain to stop and I know Keith feels the same way. Some days I feel like I use to and I hate that. I hate the fact I still have those feelings from time to time. Knowing that I have such a wonderful husband that loves me, that makes me so happy, that I make him so happy. It hurts. I fought so hard to get better and I will be damned if I get like that again.

I just want everything to be like it was before the miscarriage. The happy couple that never had a cross word, the couple that held each other close every night and. . . and just. . . I don’t know. I want us to be us again. I don’t know if that makes any since.

I hope this finds it way to Keith. I try talk to him but the words never come out right. I always seem to get lost in thought. I go to talk and my mouth never seems to move right. I never thought it would be hard to talk to Keith but it seems it has gotten to that point. Am I a horrible person . . . wife for feeling like that?

Almost time . . .

We will be leaving soon and I still haven’t fixed my hair. I wanted to update real fast before I forgot. I had a job interview Tuesday night at 6pm. It looks promising. It was for the Five Star Mart. I would be working 3rd shift. Which is what I wanted. And on top of that I would be making $7.00 an hour on 3rd. How great would that me? I’m starting to get my weight back again. Which is a plus. I have been trying to eat everything I can fit in my mouth. I think it has been working.

The wedding is suppose to be outside but I don’t think it will be. :cloudy: The weather is very cloudy and cool. It’s right down cool. I guess it’s all the rain we have been getting. I hate cold weather. I hate it!

I need to walk the dogs and go fix my hair in the next little bit so I will be ready went Keith comes out of his office. Men, what is it about them waiting. πŸ˜† Oh yeah, before I forget the dinner when well.

Surprise for my baby

I’m going to surprise Keith with a wake up lunch. He is still a sleep and I’m cooking for him. I’m fixing Potato and Cheddar Pierogies, lemon chicken and Cookies and Cream dessert. I’m making myself drool :yummy: just thinking about it. Right now the only thing left is the chicken and it is cooking right now. It only has a few more minutes. πŸ˜€ Yum.

I haven’t been doing much this week. I called about all the jobs applications and nothing yet. Every place seems to find someone with more work history than me. I don’t understand at all. I’m so stressed about finding a job that it’s starting to take a toll on my health. I have lost almost 3 lbs. Now if anyone knows me in real life or has seen a picture of me I don’t have 3 lbs to lose. Before the weight lose I was around 96 lbs. I feel sick as this weight. 😑 I want my old weight back. I’m eating. But not being able to sleep for days and then crashing all at once has really did a number on my body.

Saturday Keith and I have to go to a wedding. :balloons: It’s one of my brother’s old friends and he works with my dad. I’m really happy for Jim. I haven’t met his girl friend yet but I will Saturday. I have talked to her on the phone and she seems so nice. I have only seen a picture of her. I know if Jim loves her then she is okay in my book. πŸ˜› I’m looking forward to the wedding. I haven’t ever been to one besides my own. How crazy is that? πŸ˜†