Drama

I went on this magick trip

Long story. . .don’t ask. lol

But on to a shorter story. I have been very busy jumping back and forth between stores for Wendy’s. I have been working at two different ones and working any where from 40 to 55 hours a week. :yuck: I have been so tired I haven’t felt like doing anything. Tonight I felt a little better, hints the updating. I slept something like 12 hours last night, so tonight I felt a little better after I got off work.

Cj and I have been doing very well. We hardly fight, which I know everything couple does but we say are peace and go on. We don’t stay mad. Which to me is a good thing. I can’t stay mad at him. It’s impossible. 😀

I really wish I could get my butt in gear and fix up a few things around GT but I never find the time or energy. I barely have the energy to do what I have to get done offline, let a lone online.

Anyway, I guess I’m off to spend a little time with the honey-bunny. :love:

PS: I will tell the story of the magick trip another day. :devil:

I can’t believe this

I can not believe this. Todd; the guy I was talking about in my last entry. Well, for the past month, I thought we had something going on. He has a girlfriend, an off and on one. OKAY! He says “You knew that.” I come back with “No, not really. I thought you two was done.” He then says “No, you knew. Lets leave it at that.” And then asked “If I was going to tell his g/f about me and him sleeping together.”

He is nuts. I am nuts for still letting him be around me but I can’t help myself. I care about him so much. I just don’t how I am suppose to deal with it. I just want to write him a email because every-time I try to say something about my feelings to him, it just ends up coming out all wrong. It never sounds right. I replay it in my head and it sounds great but when it comes out it sounds like “huh?”. lol

I just don’t get it. This didn’t seem to start until this week. At the first of the week I went to my parents house. Todd calls and asked me if I wanted to hang out. I tell him where I’m at and he says “Cool, I will most likely go home and study.” So, I think he is at home studying. NOPE, he is at his g/f house and spent the night. A day goes by and then I call him and says well, I just need to stop by g/f house and get my stuff I left over there and then I will be at your house. He never shows. OMG! I was so hurt. I sent him a text message and wrote “Am I not good enough?” I’m not sure if he even got it. But I know he was over there all night again.

He then spent the next two nights over here with me and last night at his g/f house because he says she is getting worried. Then asks me If I’m going to tell her about me and him. No. It isn’t my job to tell her what is going on. It’s his.

He says he doesn’t know who to choose. She doesn’t bring anything to a relationship, she doesn’t really treat him that good and he says she can’t really help him with his problems. She is crazy. I don’t mean it like, fun crazy. I mean, like she gets a check crazy. She has a lot of issues. I think he likes the fact he is needed.

He says he really cares about me and he does want more from me but he doesn’t know what to do about her. I’m really trying to just wait and see. I want him to pick me. I want to be with him but I told him up front “I can’t keep being the other women.” I wouldn’t have been with him if I had known that fact but now that I have let him, I can’t help it right now.

I just don’t know, how to deal with it. I don’t know about anything anymore.

I have a bad feeling about this

I decided for one reason or another to open Yahoo message a few moments ago and I guess the reason I did was because I was hoping Christina would be on it so I could talk to her but still the same I open it up and find that a user by the name nascarred08 has added me to their buddy list. Ummm . . . not many people have my yahoo messenger name and most people know to use my AIM name because I am most likely to be on there but this isn’t the point. My point is being that the only person I know that uses the words nascar, red, the number 8 and so on are Ronda and Tony (Chris’s mom and step-dad). I really don’t want to start anything with either one of them. I have left her, Tony and Chris alone. I have only talk to Chris once since the shit :poo: hit the fan and I am not about to start more. I want everything to end with her and Tony. I want the past to be the past. 🙁

I hate the fact that I still have nightmares about Tony. The fact that I wake up almost screaming, in tears and holding on to Keith for dear life. I HATE THAT!! It isn’t fair to me to be scared of a man that I no long have to be around. I just hate even thinking about it.

I better get off that subject before I start to cry and I don’t want to do that. 😐 But anyway, I am just sitting here. I have a few projects to work on. I need to finish working on Chet’s side project on his site, I need to finish editing a few pages for Christina and I have to add an archives page to WP and finish making Jim (our tattoo guy) some business cards. I made me some today for Element Solutions. They look very nice. I was very proud of myself. *shows off big ego* :cute: Oh, yeah another thing I need to add to WP is the spell checker. I suck at spelling which most people that read my blog have noticed. LOL I can’t help it. 😳 I have always sucked at it.

Before I forget, thank you Amanda for willing to help me. I might be emailing you in a few days once I get my book in and start reading it. I would love to work with you. You are the PHP Queen. 😀 You rock my socks anyway. *hugs*

I guess I better go. I have a lot to do before bed. And Keith and I have a lot to do tomorrow. Go to H and R Block to get our taxes fixed, pick up his check, put it in the bank, go pay house phone bill and the electric bill and then after all that we have to go to Wal-Mart to get food and light bulbs. 💡 We have a very busy day a head of us and I don’t even fill like getting out :yuck: because it’s all rainy and stuff. Damn weather.

PS: Before I totally forget thank you for all the nice comments on my tattoo. I’m glad everyone likes it. 😀