20Sep   Infertility Specialist

I am so heartbroken I haven’t became pregnant yet. Kyle and I have been trying for almost 3 years. I have had two surgeries trying to fix whatever is wrong with me and nothing has helped. My doctor said he wanted to send me to a infertility specialist since he really doesn’t deal with infertility on a regular basis. I am sad but I’m kind of happy too. It really is a love hate kind of deal. I am happy my doctor is good enough to tell me up front he doesn’t deal with this all the time and hasn’t wasted my time in the process. He has been wonderful up until this point. He said he will continue to work with the infertility clinic to ensure the best of care.

I have an appointment October 2nd. I hope to get a better idea of what is going on. I am so damn frustrated because I have put myself through a lot of pain to not have an answer. I feel like I am so alone with the whole process too because everyone either tells me to just “relax” or “it will happen”. That is easy to say when you already have kids. Plus, I feel like everyone around me is either pregnant or just had a baby. It’s like a kick right in the non-baby maker.

Unless you have the problem, you will never understand the hurt I have when I wake every month knowing I will start my period and not be pregnant. The only thing I want to complete my family and I can’t have it. But I am sure if I was on meth or didn’t have a job or a dead beat husband / boyfriend I would have two or three kids. I know that is a very shitty thing to say but you know, that’s how it seems to be around here.

1Jun   I need to learn not to touch stuff

I really need to learn not to touch stuff once I have fix it. About two and a half weeks ago I finally called about my hard drive making all kinds of noise and running very slow. I had just got the hard drive for Christmas this past December. I call Western Digital, it’s still under warranty. They sent me a new one and I had to send my old one back. I had already backed everything up. I finally got every thing replaced, installed and working.

I start reading about Ubuntu again. I really missed playing with it. I had it installed ages ago. I think even before I had my current computer build. I tied installing it and it totally messed up my new hard drive. It will no longer boot Windows nor Ubuntu from the install.

Currently I backed up all files on a external hard drive and trying to run Window’s Startup Repair in hopes it can fix my hard drive I just got from Western Digital. For some reason it turned my hard drive to a RAW state not a NTFS. Not sure what happen but whatever. I have learned my lesson. I just hope I don’t have to buy a new hard drive and this one will work. Otherwise I might be doing everything from the laptop until I get some extra money.

Right this moment I am saving every dime for next week when my Cammie will be here visiting for a whole week. We haven’t spent a whole week together since 2010. I need time with her more then my hard drive at this moment.

24Apr   Sorry but not sorry

Nothing personal but I truly feel if you have to live off government assistance then most likely you don’t need another kid. If you don’t work, and you have to ask other people for money all the time, you don’t need another kid. If you live at home, because you can’t afford to live anywhere else because you have so many kids, you don’t need another kid. I’m just saying.

When ladies find out they are pregnant and you can’t spell pregnant correctly, don’t post about it. It makes me want to hit you in the face. Also, if you find out and you don’t know who the baby daddy is walk away. I am going to hit you in the face.

I am truly happy for people that are finding out they are pregnant. I have a friend that is buying her own house, married and both of them work. I am super happy for them. But Kyle’s sister pisses me off. She is on and off again with “baby daddy” 90% of the time. She just now started working again. Rents, doesn’t even own her car, is always borrowing money or asking for a hand out. Gets food stamps and K-chip (government medical help since she is a “single mom”) which is bullshit. She isn’t. She lives with her boyfriend. He already has two kids by two different women. She has a son by a different man. I have no reason to be happy about her train wreck. Sorry but not sorry.