Cody

ex-P.O.S

I suck at life. But I’m wicked cool.

I realized something today. I truly hate to be a lone. At home or anything dealing with me. I hate to be a lone. My dog had been at mom’s house for a couple of days. I would wake up or go to bed sad almost because I didn’t have her. I hated not having her here or anyone here with me. I am such a wuss about some much.

When I get my new place, I really won’t have anyone to hang out with. CJ works in Glasgow, goes to school in BG, so I wouldn’t have him around very much. I still talk to Keith and hang out with him sometimes, not now, he lives here in Glasgow, Nathan lives with him. Most of my friends now live here. I’m moving 45 minutes away. I’m not going to really have many people. I’m upset about that. I love to have people over. Not a lot of people but people never the less.

I just hope that I will be able to keep Cookie. If not, I will be a very unhappy person. Or I will spending so much time at my mom’s house, I might as well be living back there. OMG!

I just don’t know what to do. I’m really going to miss this place. As much as I say I hate it. I really will miss it. I’m going to miss having everything so near, having everyone near.

This move is scaring me to death. I just don’t know how everything is going to work out. If I could find another job that paid pretty good, then I could stay here but I’m jobless right now and there is no way I could stay. I’m so scared I have no clue what to do.

I have no clue about my life. I have so much going on and I can see my life falling down around me. I feel like everything is going wrong. Nothing is fitting together. And I don’t know why. I swear I seen a icon that fit me perfect. It quoted “I suck at life. But I’m wicked cool.” I really do suck at life. Why does everything fall?

Life isn’t so bad. . .all the time

I truly have been trying to look on the bright side. I know it’s hard sometimes but over all I’m a pretty happy person. Well, I try to be. Last month was a bad month. I was talking to this guy who was a total dick to me. He was one of those guys that when he was around his friends, I was just a friend but when everyone left and it was me and him. I was finally good enough. He wanted me to wear make-up all the time and stuff like that. I know that I am not the most beautiful women in the world but you know what, damn it, I think I look pretty without make-up and with it I look fine too.

I don’t want a man that thinks the only way I look good is with make-up. I have never been the girl that dresses up, that wears make-up, fixes her hair and nails. I think I look pretty the way I am. I don’t believe a women has to do all those things to look nice.

I don’t want a man that thinks we have to be together every minute of every day. I want time a lone. . .sometimes. I like cuddle time and I like fun time. I’m the type of girl that likes to stay home and cook, watch movies and I love to spoil the person I’m with. I don’t know why. . .I just do. But now and then I like to know I’m wanted, that I’m weak and not always the strong person I try to be.

I have such a hard time taking help. I would love to take a hand but I hate to feel like I can’t do it. I want to be held tight, I want to hold hands while we watch TV, and be close. I’m very girl-ly. . .I guess.

I’m talking to this really wonderful guy. He makes me laugh, he does those wonderful things, like hold my hand and just stay at home with me and watch TV. I truly enjoy being with him. I don’t want to rush anything. I don’t want him to feel like I’m rushing him. I think he thinks I am but I want him to move at the speed he feels good at. That feels good for us.

We talked one night. He made the comment he only dates girls he sees himself maybe falling in love with. He says he doesn’t know if he could fall in love with me (because we had a past); that I’m to nice. I make him smile, we can joke together, we get a long great. I’m pretty sure his family likes me and so on. I know I fall way to fast and I get hurt so much because I do give my key to my heart up so easy. But I can’t help it. I have a very big heart. :heart: It feels so good to have those feelings again. It’s been so long since I felt that way. Since I had someone make me feel that way. He is so sweet.

It’s so hard to talk about it. I’m not sure he really wants me talking about it or him on here but I just had to get my feelings out. I’m scared to really say to much because I know that we care about each other but we really don’t talk about are status with each other. It keeps me guessing. I kind of hate that but it’s more like a love-hate thing. lol