work

Where did it go. . .

Another day has come and gone. In 6 days I will be 22. WTF? When did this happen? When did I wake up and realize I’m 21? Where did the time go? It seems like last week I was 16, didn’t have a care in the world. But now, I’m 22.

My dad once told me “Your wishing your life away.” I never did believe him. He also said “You wish you was 16, then 18, then 21 before you know it you wake up 40 with a house, kids, etc.” I never truly believed him until later. Here I am, blinking and now my life is flashing before my eyes. When did it happen? I’m so scared I’m going to wake up 40. That scares the living hell out of me. I’m missing the best years of my life. I believe next year I will set goals. One, going back to school (maybe a degree in Business math or something like that), two, get my own place with NO room mates (nothing wrong with room mates); just us two and kitty, three, buy myself something for no good reason. Yeah, sounds easy. . .never easy. lol I will be making more money, CJ will have a job and everything will come together. 😉 I have hopes. I have dreams. I once read in someones blog “All Dreams are Dead. So make new ones”. This I will do.

New dreams, new beginings, new life. I have what it takes. I’m smart. I’m a great person. I am ME!!

Such jealousy

I was upset about a week ago over an act that Cj done to me. I wanted to let it go but it still kind of bothers me. He read my myspace messages. Well, really it was only one. And that one was to my ex-husband. We (as me and my ex-husband) both promised to stay friends if we ever go divorced and now that we are we still talk on the phone about once a month and now we email about that often. Nothing big, just to check on each other.

I don’t understand this jealousy thing he has over me. I have never had that before. Everyone I have ever been with has never acted like that before until now. I understand that he is scared of losing me but like I told him. He doesn’t have anything to worry about. I want to understand.

I want to forget it happen. He told me “He understood if I left or wanted him to move out or whatever”. But I love him very much and he said he wouldn’t do it again. I want to believe him. I want to be like “Okay”. But for some reason I say I’m okay and I have went on and I have forgave him for this act but still I let it sit in the back of my mind. Nothing like it is going to sit there and then I just blow up one day. Nothing even like that. I just think about it from time to time. I almost don’t want to leave my account on my computer open. He doesn’t have my passwords but on the other hand; I don’t have anything to hide. I didn’t care that he read it. I just wanted him to ask first. I don’t have anything to hide from anyone, let a lone him.

I find it useless to hide anything. It just causes problems but I feel like he hides things from me. He might not but I still can’t help to fill that way. Maybe it’s because I don’t hide anything and I feel like everyone has something to hide. Oh, well, I know. . .well, hope if he is that he will tell me and not keep it from me ever. He says he feels that everyone has secrets. Maybe he is right. . .

Babbling on again it seems

I haven’t been doing much. I have felt really bad all day. I am trying to think positive. . .or at least keep a positive out look. I am so tired of work and I’m so tired with everything. I really want everything to be like it was in May. . .it seemed simple then. I didn’t have anything but work, Cookie and life to look forward too.

It’s not that I don’t want the things I have now in my life like CJ and all but I stay so stressed out all the time. I’m not even sure on what. I like to think it’s work. I stress out about everything. Even the little things that won’t matter in a few hours, let alone in a few years. I have a bad habit of taking that out on CJ. I hate that. I get stressed and I don’t know how to handle myself and I snap at him for no reason or what I would find funny normally I would just cry over. I know he doesn’t know how to handle me, hell, I don’t know how to handle me. I truly don’t want to lose him over something silly, I don’t want to lose him at all. I don’t think I will but I do get scared at times.

I’m scared. . .very simply put. I wish I was the big girl I use to be but he makes me weak. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. I like to think both at times. I wish I knew where I was going with this whole blog entry but I have no clue. Just another babbling entry, I guess.

On to randomness. . .

Unconscious Mutterings

  1. Scrabble :: Spelling
  2. NyQuil :: Sleepy Time
  3. Roadtrip :: Because it’s your dog.
  4. Idiot :: Work
  5. Bandages :: Dr. office
  6. Series :: Shows
  7. Summer :: Break
  8. Prompt :: Action
  9. September :: Birthdays
  10. Chicken :: Me
  11. Thanks to: Unconscious Mutterings

Friday Five:

  • What’s something you suspect you regularly overpay for? Gas!
  • What’s something you suspect you regularly underpay for? Food.
  • What’s taking up more of your time than it should? Work and house work.
  • What’s causing you stress only because you let it? Work. I am really bad about stressing.
  • If all your karma were based on your positive and negative attitudes, would it be in good shape, in bad shape, or perfectly in balance? I would like to think balance but I’m not totally sure. Most likely in the middle. lol
  • Thanks to: Friday5.Org

I went on this magick trip

Long story. . .don’t ask. lol

But on to a shorter story. I have been very busy jumping back and forth between stores for Wendy’s. I have been working at two different ones and working any where from 40 to 55 hours a week. :yuck: I have been so tired I haven’t felt like doing anything. Tonight I felt a little better, hints the updating. I slept something like 12 hours last night, so tonight I felt a little better after I got off work.

Cj and I have been doing very well. We hardly fight, which I know everything couple does but we say are peace and go on. We don’t stay mad. Which to me is a good thing. I can’t stay mad at him. It’s impossible. 😀

I really wish I could get my butt in gear and fix up a few things around GT but I never find the time or energy. I barely have the energy to do what I have to get done offline, let a lone online.

Anyway, I guess I’m off to spend a little time with the honey-bunny. :love:

PS: I will tell the story of the magick trip another day. :devil:

It’s been a while

You know what? It has been a good forever since I updated. I got the net back last week but just now sitting down and updating everything. I added some new pictures to the Photo Log. I also update the layout and updated the FAQ page. As I hope everyone can tell about the layout. It looks good to me. Something a little different for me nothing really a big deal about it besides the fact it’s very clean looking.

The move went okay. I thought it could have went worse. I am still unloading boxes which totally sucks. It seems they just keep coming. I can’t believe how much stuff I had.

I can’t believe how much I missed the net. I think I have a problem. Wait, I know I have a problem. I just can’t keep it to myself anymore. *yells* “Hi, I’m Jenn and I have been without net for a month. I think I went a little crazy.” lol I just crack myself up. As everyone can tell.

CJ and I are still doing very well. He is about to start WKU on the 27th and I’m still at Wendy’s. :yay: Not really but whatever. At least it pays the bills. Nothing else really going on.