Month: November 2003

Eyes

“Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.” –Mozart

I feel so bad that I haven’t updated in so long. It has taken me this long to get settled in. Moving and unpacking and getting shit cleaned.

Just put up a new layout. I hope you like it. I was getting behind in updating. I feel like such an ass. I will try to update at least every other day. But you know how that is. I will write more later on tonight.

Later Tater

Black Out, Realize and Love Is In The Air, Fuckers

“Sex is like air, it isn’t important until you aren’t getting any.” –Unknown

WOW!! 😀 I am so happy with all the comments made. Thank you all for them. I never get that many! I feel so loved.

Chris and I are doing so good right now…I mean as good as we can for the facts that has happen in the past. He keeps bring up the Tony thing. I know it hurts him and I don’t really thinks he realizes deep down it hurts me too. Yes, I will say this. I am human and I do make mistakes just like the next person yet for some reason I have to be some goddess. I know he doesn’t realize that he expects this of me but he does and it kind of hurts my feelings in away. I most of the time try for it not to get to me. I love Chris so much and I don’t want anything bad to happen to us.

Moving in with him was such a big step and I’m so scared I will fuck it up some how. I love to be with him. I love everything about him. And sometimes I don’t know what to think about him. I just want to step back and just go damn….any girl would be lucky to have someone like him. He is so good to me. I get told all the time that I’m lucky to have someone like that. And I do feel lucky to have him. I feel SO damn lucky. 🙂

I have had such a hard time in the past four years at high school. I went through a really bad depression for the first two years of high school. Then I dated Valarie for almost 2 years (10th and 11th grade). Which was so hard on me, for us. Because we was the only open same sex relationship. I fought cutting myself and everything else.

So, being with someone that loves me for me and only wants to be with me. Has made me feel like almost like I don’t deserve someone like him. He is sitting in the living room watching a movie right now and I can’t help but look at him and realize so much. Realize that I do love him and I do want to be with him and only him. It’s a great feeling. 😀 I guess I sound like a little kid in puppy love.

I don’t know sometimes….I have always believed that Life is like licking honey off a thorn bush. I keep expecting something bad to happen. Like it always does. Because everything seems to good right now. Everything!! And I don’t know what to expect. 😐 I guess I need to shut the fuck up now. LMAO

Today at school there was a black out for about an hour it came back on twice and then shortly after it went off again. It finally stayed on the third time it came on. I hate the dark. But any who….

I will try to update again soon. I should have the net in my our room but this weekend sometime.

Ronda and Tony are coming in this weekend and Ronda is staying in this time. Tony will be on the road my himself. I’m glad Ronda is staying in this time. I love being around her. She is my mommy away from my mommy. LMAO

later taternuts

Tears Of A Crying Soul

“Do You Think I’m A Whore?” –Kittie

[EDIT] Mom said we could use her truck to help move stuff. I guess that’s a start. My mother told me today that she isn’t going to help me move at all. She said if I need any help (like money wise) she wouldn’t help me out at all as long as I lived over there.

Ronda told me I had some balls on me to even tell her. They are suppose to come and get my stuff and me tomorrow. I really hope so. I need more boxes to pack my shit in, but when I asked mom to get me some today as she went out. She told me no, because that would be helping. 😐 Mom is suppose to get me some boxes Monday from her work. So, now I have to have someone go them for me, since neither Chris or I can drive yet.

I have to call and get the net cut off tonight before they take out this months bill (which is on the 15th). I will still be able to update the blog. But this layout will have to stay up for a while for right now. Until we get a phone line run upstairs in our (Chris and I) room. They have the net already on their computer downstairs. They have AOL 9.0…which is okay. I have (had) Wal-Mart Connect. I : h e a r t : Wal-Mart. But anyway…

I was crying because of my English teacher. I swear I am never going to get out of this is damn school. The 5 writings I have aren’t good enough for her. So, now I have to go talk to another English teacher that is going to tell me to work harder, stay after school to get help and when I already do that….wait I do both. I worked really hard on my papers and all I ended up with is shit…all shit… 🙁

Anyway….this class is about to end….I will write sometime tonight maybe tomorrow night if I can get on the computer….It not it might be Monday before I can update again. But yeah, don’t worry I will be okay!!

If you want to email me PLEASE send it to Rainbow@faded-stars.org. Thanks
[/EDIT]

New Layout

“The people who say I told you so are winning.” –Laron Reynolds

I just still can’t believe I am really moving. I think it has finally hit her that I am moving and that I’ve made up my mind. I hope you understands. I just can only handle so much, you know? But I guess that is another story.

I have emailed Ronda and Tony about 3 times and yet they haven’t answered me back. I am worried. They were driving home from NY last time they emailed me and they said they would be there before morning. So, I guess that they are just driving like mad men.

I don’t know if I am going to like living with Chris and his family or not. I mean I love Chris with everything that I am and all but living with someone and dating them is two different things. I’m just worried I’m going to be a bitch to him. And I don’t want that at all. I hope that I can be a good girlfriend. 😀

Next, new layout! What do you think? To simple, just right? Does the colors look okay? Just wondering.

Comment…I wanna know what you think!

Wow! OMG!! Are You For Real?

“I’m just playing, I know you’re a guy.” –Candice to Me on 11.13.03

I know I should feel better then I do right now but I don’t. I feel like blah, shit, in other words. 😕 I started my rag on my birthday. Which really sucks!! But any who, last night started good. It really did. My mom and dad went with Chris and I to go out eat at Red Lobster and then out to the movies and seen The Matrix: Revolutions. The food was great but half way through my dad gets pissy with my mother and so, for the rest of the night my mother was pissed off at him.

After the movie we dropped Chris off at his house and then we head on home. Well, about 5 minutes away from Chris’s house. My mother and father decide to start fighting like little children. Well, this pisses me off. It’s my fucking birthday and they have to act like little kids. WTF? I was so mad. By the time we pulled in my drive way. (30 minutes away from Chris’s House) I jump out of the car before it was parked, slame the door and run inside the house. I was so upset. I just wanted to cry.

Then they kept fighting when they got inside. I screamed at them to stop and everything else. They don’t. I finally told them. “I’m tired of the bitchin’, I’m moving out as soon as Ronda and Tony (Chris’s mom and step-dad) get in.” So, I guess I’m moving. I am going to have a friend of ours (Chris and I) to help me move some of my stuff this weekend. Ronda and Tony are coming in next week sometime. I will have to have Chris and Tony move my bed and stuff like that. I’m not sure how we are going to fit it in their car but I guess we can figure that out later.

WOW! 8 – O I have written so much. PurpleUsul.Com should be back up in the next day or two. I can’t wait. I love that site just as much as I love Faded Stars. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have my domains and web designing. I think I would go insane. Because every time I get something wrong I just go to the computer and make layouts and just start coding everything. I love it!! I know that makes me sound like a BIG dork. But that’s fine. I love being me.

I will, I repeat I will keep my domains and stuff when I move. Chris does have the net and we are running a phone line upstairs in our room.

Chris has been waiting for the day I move in since we started dating. When I told my mom and dad, mom just looked at me and started the facts “I knew you have wanted to leave for a while. I could tell. I knew you were counting the days down.” And she was right. She was like “I don’t know if I really want you over there or not but their isn’t much I really can do, now can I? Your 18 now.”

And yet again she was right. She can’t stop me. I will have to get a job now and start fighting for myself. But life is hard and you go on because you have too. And that’s what I plan on doing. I understand it is going to be hard but fuck, I really don’t care anymore.

PS: From Candi-Bear: What is up?! I was sitting here typing my ideal letter to the review and the English teacher says I can’t use it. It sounds like this “Dear Reveiwer,
Most of the time, I try to be nice. But sometimes I just can’t hold it in. I don’t want to be invisible. I want to be real. I hate this school. I’m only writing this because my English teacher is a little old lady who looks like she could be standing in a cornfield on a horror movie. She just freaks me out!..” *Sighs* She wouldn’t let me use that in my letter though. I don’t know why. I was being sincere…:( Oh well. Laterdays 🙂