Month: June 2008

Dear Cody,

Dear Cody,

It isn’t that I lied or cheated on you. I never did anything to hurt you on purpose. I do miss you. I miss things about you. I don’t miss how in the end how we treated each other. In the end, it was bad. The start was great. But over all, it wasn’t bad either. We both are at points in our lives that are making us who we are. You have the school thing and friends thing and party thing. This is what your suppose to be doing at your age.

I on the other hand, want a real life, work, a house, kids, a real life. We just can’t see eye to eye. I hope one day we can sit and have tea and laugh about the great times we had and forget the sad. I want you to find someone that makes you truly happy and loves all of you. I want you to work out all angry and just realize love is in the air. Love has always been there.

I know this want have any effect on you. You will still hate me. You will still think I am in the wrong. That I am nothing but a bitch, cunt and whore or slut. I am whatever you think I am. I will never be anything else but that to you.

That is okay. I wish you the best. With time I will forgive you. I will have forgot all the bad and move on to live a very happy life without you. To bad you couldn’t just be friends. You couldn’t just be happy with that. It was all or nothing for you. No middle ground.

Goodbye Cody. Sweet dreams. Goodnight forever.

— Jenn

Complex person

If you could delete any memory/person out of your mind for ever, would you?

I asked that in my twitter, no one really answered but one person. I truly believe everything happens and everyone meets for a reason. When one door closes another one opens. The end is not here if everything isn’t okay.

I finally am feeling content again. I finally feel like everything might be okay. Everything has fallen in the places it is suppose to be. One more person, one more day, it is nothing but another puzzle piece that fits in with the rest of my life.

I keep telling myself, I’m dreaming but sleeping no dream. I want everything to be as perfect as it was when I was 18 before the baby, before the tears, before being jaded from life. I wouldn’t take back all these years. They make me the person I am today. I have become a better person because of my down falls. The difference is that I have learned from my mistakes. I have taken a lesson from my faults. I tell myself, that everyone is fighting a harder battle, that I can over come anything and everything that finds a way into my life.

Then some days I feel as if I can’t. That I am nothing but a failure in everything I have done or will ever do. I am not this bright beautiful women standing before you but simply a jaded little girl, that has not learned a damn thing.

But, Jennifer, how can you say you have learned lessons in one paragraph and say you are nothing and have not learned a damn thing. Hello? I am just that, a complex person, that I have started seeing just the tip of who I am. I wonderful, scared jaded young women, that has fought for everything and learned entirety to much for my age. I don’t even believe this makes sense to me at this point. I do believe that is the idea.