friends

I got hurt again…

“I once saw a clip from some midget pron..it was VERY VERY frightening…” –Christina 06.07.03

I hurt so bad right now. I fell down my stairs and cut my ankle and toe really bad. We didn’t go to the ER but we should have. I cut it deep too. I didn’t cry…that’s a plus, right? I’m always the one who is clam during that kind of thing.

Before that happen I was out on a boat with my dad, mom, Vamp, my dad’s boss and the two little girls (ages 5 & 3). Anyway, my dad’s boss paid me $10 to jump in the water and get wet. Well, I did. So, I got $10 to just be stupid. It was fun….the water wasn’t that cold. It could have been worse. You know?

Anyway, Vamp spent last night and the night before with me. And oh, her mom just came to pick her up. She found out about what happen between Vamp and I. She didn’t say anything to my mom and dad and she find out by her blog. So, now I don’t know if she will still be able to post on there or not. I hope she will be able too. Her mother said for her not to ask for me to come over and for her not to ask to come over here.

I’m off. In pain and wondering what Vamp is going to do.

Hell

If I told you this was killing me, would you stop?” –Unknown

Today has been one of the worse days of my life. I hate it. I hate myself mostly. I hate the fact I screwed up but most of all. For some reason, I don’t hate what I did. I hate the fact that Kitten and I ended the way we did. I hate the fact I made Kitten lose her best friend, over something like this. Something, that could have been so much worse.

But in the end I know it was worth everything. In the end it was worth every tear, every hug, every kiss, every laugh shared. I know that it hurts her to think she (Kitten) was suppose to trust us. That we was the few things she still had. It hurts to think that I hurt the few people I cared about.

Most of all it hurts me that I did such things without really thinking. Yes, I did think but yet I didn’t. I never thought that Kitten would break up with me. I fought a losing battle last night with her. Because as much as I wanted for her not to leave. Now, I want her so far away from me. I want her to leave me alone. I want her to fucking leave me and find someone who loves her for her and someone that can treat her with the respect that I never gave her. The respect she should have.

It doesn’t make me a bad person I believe that I don’t feel bad for what happen between me and her best friend. I don’t hate it at all. I hate that it had to end the way it did. I guess if that makes me a bad person then I’m a bad person.

I have had such a GREAT fucking day. It has just been great. I went to bed around 3am and I went to school. Took to finals. One in Chem 1 and the other in Spanish 1. I just know I failed the Spanish one but I don’t know about Chem. Tricia said that my chem teacher told her that NO one failed it. So, that has to be good. If I passed I will be so happy.

I added a new page. It is Life summed up. Kitten wrote it today about me. It really is my life summed up. I told her she really does know me if she can sum up my life like that in 3 pages. I laughed and then started to cry again. I cried soon as I read it because I knew that she knew me that well. I knew that she knew that I felt that way. I still know that she knows.

Chris also told me today that he likes/loves me. Chris. Chris!! My best friend in the whole world tells me this a day before school is out. God, I love my friends. I don’t know what I am going to do about any of this. I really don’t.

“when the shit hits the fan, it never lands evenly.” –Robert

Off to die……no, wait……live…maybe!!

Tricia is coming home with me tomorrow. I hope she can make me laugh. Right? I need it.

Aside

Movies this weekend

“Do files get embarrassed when they are unzipped?” –Unknown

I’m talking to a couple people right now and just chillin’. I changed my cam picture. It was a picture of me and my care bear and now its a picture of me and my HIPPO. I love HIPPOS!!

Anyway….If anyone knows how to add brushes to PSP 7. Please leave a comment because I can download them and unzip them but then I can never add them to PSP.

And HOSTEES if you have AIM please get on it sometime….I would love to hear from you all. I liked talking to you all. SO, come on IM me and if you don’t have AIM, I have YAHOO now. SO, IM me. lol

I’m going to Tricia’s house this weekend. We are going to go to the movies with Emily and Kitten. And then I’m going to spend the night that night and go home Saturday. I can’t wait!!

Off to bed….I hope. I’m waiting for Kitten to get home to get on line so we can talk. : )

Prom

Prom is tonight. I am getting picked up by Lizzy-Bell around 12:00pm and she is going to do my hair and makeup. Then around 5:00pm I am getting picked by mom-bob (Tricia’s mommy). And we are going to have Jenny, Kitten, Emily, me, and Tricia in her mom’s van. This is going to be fun. We are going to go to the place where prom is at take pictures, then go out to eat at the local mall and then come back to prom. Stay there from 8:00pm until 12:00am. Then go to the after prom party (a lock in). And we will be locked in until 6:00am. I hope I have fun. My friends and I are going to walk around the mall telling people this is how we dress all the time and we don’t know whats wrong with these people. LOL

I spend the night with my grandmother last night. I got to read like over half my book. I was happy.

I want to think Adrienne and Evy for posting a comment. Thanks, it means a lot to me. : )

Talk to you all tomorrow. See-ya Sunday!! =) Off to PARTTTY!!

Fuck It All

I’m in such a odd mood. Today was been just peachy. NOT really!!

I have cried, got upset and kept up a good spirit the whole time. Give me a freaking bone here!! LMAO

I still don’t know how I’m getting to prom. I need to learn to drive. But on a higher note…I got my permit last week. I can’t really drive that well but hey I’m going to learn.

I heard from an old friend. I emailed them back and I’m might be calling them in a few. 🙂 I think that I might.

Off to go call people. Old friends, Tricia, Jenny, and maybe Kitten….but Kitten way later.