friends

Yawn.

I feel so tired. I’m not sure why. Well I have an idea but not sure. I have nap twice today. Very lazy but you know what. I love my days off. Wish I had more of them. :/

:yawn: I’m sitting here at Cody’s. Dustan and Sean are here too. I kind of miss my house but I am so lazy I most likely will stay here and sleep more. WOW. I don’t believe I have been this lazy in a while. Very nice!

Something really amazing happen. My dad let me have two albums. The Wish You Were Here and The Wall. I am so freaking happy about it. Both are like new. How amazing? I want to frame them. I am wondering how much they are worth. Never would sell them but just wondering.

Deer hunting, rocks and tripping acid

When I was a child my family would travel
Down to Western Kentucky where my parents were born
And there’s a backwards old town that’s often remembered
So many times that my memories are worn
–John Prine, Paradise

That last line of the song is what I wanted to point out. I really feel that way. So many times that my memories are worn. I sit back and remember all the good and bad times. Funny and embarrassed moments. All between moments. Like today I was thinking about the first time I hung out with Dustan and Connie.

The title of the entry will mean nothing to anyone else but Cody, Dustan and Connie. The four of us have that memory. I miss the fun moments of the past. I really don’t miss any of the other moments. Well, besides the happy ones. lol

I really like my life right now. I don’t like every like thing but you know what? I have been sadder, and I have been happier. I guess everything is going to work out. Well, at least I hope so. 🙂

I have a lot on my mind tonight. Not sure if I will update again or not. I have been working on tagging all my old entries. I have got done with 2008, 2007 and working on 2006. I uploaded all my old entries. That didn’t take long once I got it done.

Doesn’t Matter?

So, this person, someone close to where I live judging this by their IP address. The person’s email address I can’t trace because it isn’t a real address. Just wondering who this person is. Just wondering why they feel the need to hide behind a false email address and no name.

First Comment: This comment was on the I bet you think this blog is about you, don’t you? entry.

Love it! So much passion. One thing that I absolutely CAN NOT stand is when others judge. It has to be my biggest pet peeve. Something you should realize is that everyone has an opinion, and not everyone is going to agree with your point of view, but that is the beauty of it all.. That is why our forefathers fought and died so that we do have the right to say what we want. Don’t let negative feedback keep you from voicing ‘your’ opinion. It is those that choose to be negative because they have no back-bone of their own to say what they truly mean. No. It isn’t always going to make everyone happy, but if you are offended simply move on to another person’s blog!! — click to view comment

Second Comment: This comment was on Dear Cody, entry.

Sounds like a bunch of drama that should have been left in highschool… Not the blog, but the comments. People breakup, our hearts get broken but that’s life. — click to view comment

Secret Lyric Game

This is a little game I made up. Kind of like the Secret Game. You take lyrics and everyone tries to guess which lyrics are for them. Here goes:

1.)
and this is how it feels. . .
as we go on, we remember
all the times we, had together
and as our lives change
come whatever
we will still be friends forever
Graduation Friends Forever –Vitamin C

2.)
We’re just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish You Were Here –Pink Floyd

3.)
I really feel
That I’m losing my best friend
I can’t believe
This could be the end
Don’t Speak –No Doubt

4.)
Sweet 16 today
She’s looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.
Butterfly Kisses –Bob Carlisle

5.)
I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it
I Kissed A Girl –Katy Perry

6.)
Would you look at her
She looks at me
Shes got me thinking about her constantly
But she don’t know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if shes figured out
I’m crazy for this girl
Crazy for This Girl to –Evan And Jaron

Go a head and guess. I bet you won’t know. lol You might. 🙂 Hope you like this game.

Amazing Journey

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours-it is an amazing journey-and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins. — Unknown

Maybe my life hasn’t begun. I truly enjoy knowing others need me and I need someone. I need a few things in life to be happy. One being love, to love someone and to get that love in return. Friends being another one. I love being able to hang out or talk whenever. Having my own space. I miss this at times. I miss not sharing anything but there again I love it too. 😆 I love sharing my house with my other half. I love being able to have my own space too. I think everyone is like that.

I miss my friends in Glasgow. I miss so much from my past. I enjoy my life now. I love so much of it. It’s hard to put into words. I don’t blame anyone for where I’m at in life. I am my own person. I have made every choice for myself. . .not much help from others.

I feel like I need to change things for the better. I need to take charge of my life. I rely on a lot of people. I use to not be that way. I felt like if I can’t do it, then I didn’t need to. I had my own place; by myself. I paid for everything, didn’t care what anyone thought. I did what I wanted and didn’t answer to no one. I was also very lonely during those times. I cried a lot. I had fun at times but over all even thou I had my friends near, I was kind of dating and what not. I was very lonely. I felt empty among groups of people and I felt lost.

At times I miss the people of my past. I wish I could have them near. I wish my past was different. At times I wish now was different. But I don’t know what I want different. I’m not sure what I would change, if I would change anything.

I miss the idea of marriage. I miss the idea that I was almost a mother. I miss the idea of maybe buying a house and working the 9-5. I also don’t miss the fighting and the yelling and never getting anywhere. Always behind and feeling lost. . .again. I do miss the friendship; the closeness we had. I do miss him. . .at times it still hurts. Those months like March and October. Those months hurt the most. The child we almost had. :worried:

I do love the man I’m with. Very much. I worry he truly doesn’t get me but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it to work. I want to be happy. I use to see myself spending the rest of my life with someone else. Now, I try to see myself with him. I do at times. Others; I see us going our own way and being happy that we touched each others lives. I know he loves me. I know he cares.

I feel these emotions from him. But for a while now I also felt rage, fear or passion. So many emotions. Manly anger. I felt so alone at those times. I can’t count how many nights I cried myself to sleep or how many times I had to beg him not to go. I don’t blame him. I don’t blame anyone. I’m not mad at him or anything like that. I don’t resent him for it. I love him. But is it true; love is blind? It hurts to think of us not together. It hurts to breath and I feel sick to think about it. At times I want him so close. I love coming home to him.

I’m not even sure anymore what my point was. I don’t have a reason for this. I’m even sure why I wrote all of this. I have so much inside. I don’t even think I have anyone I can talk to anymore.

One last thought. . .does he love me like I need him too?

PS: The move went great. Been here a week now.