moving

I suck at life. But I’m wicked cool.

I realized something today. I truly hate to be a lone. At home or anything dealing with me. I hate to be a lone. My dog had been at mom’s house for a couple of days. I would wake up or go to bed sad almost because I didn’t have her. I hated not having her here or anyone here with me. I am such a wuss about some much.

When I get my new place, I really won’t have anyone to hang out with. CJ works in Glasgow, goes to school in BG, so I wouldn’t have him around very much. I still talk to Keith and hang out with him sometimes, not now, he lives here in Glasgow, Nathan lives with him. Most of my friends now live here. I’m moving 45 minutes away. I’m not going to really have many people. I’m upset about that. I love to have people over. Not a lot of people but people never the less.

I just hope that I will be able to keep Cookie. If not, I will be a very unhappy person. Or I will spending so much time at my mom’s house, I might as well be living back there. OMG!

I just don’t know what to do. I’m really going to miss this place. As much as I say I hate it. I really will miss it. I’m going to miss having everything so near, having everyone near.

This move is scaring me to death. I just don’t know how everything is going to work out. If I could find another job that paid pretty good, then I could stay here but I’m jobless right now and there is no way I could stay. I’m so scared I have no clue what to do.

I have no clue about my life. I have so much going on and I can see my life falling down around me. I feel like everything is going wrong. Nothing is fitting together. And I don’t know why. I swear I seen a icon that fit me perfect. It quoted “I suck at life. But I’m wicked cool.” I really do suck at life. Why does everything fall?

Quick post.

We are going to go look at some apartments today since he is off work. Wish us luck. *crosses fingers* 😉

He is wanting to go. WOW. This is a short post. I thought it would be longer then this but I guess not. Damn!

BTW, Nathan decided not to move in with us. He has a buddy that has a house already paid for and all he would have to do is help pay on utilities. So, that is the smart plan for him. I’m glad for him but either way Keith and I want a bigger place.

Well, I’m off. I need to get something to eat real fast and we are off.

Eyes

“Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.” –Mozart

I feel so bad that I haven’t updated in so long. It has taken me this long to get settled in. Moving and unpacking and getting shit cleaned.

Just put up a new layout. I hope you like it. I was getting behind in updating. I feel like such an ass. I will try to update at least every other day. But you know how that is. I will write more later on tonight.

Later Tater

Black Out, Realize and Love Is In The Air, Fuckers

“Sex is like air, it isn’t important until you aren’t getting any.” –Unknown

WOW!! 😀 I am so happy with all the comments made. Thank you all for them. I never get that many! I feel so loved.

Chris and I are doing so good right now…I mean as good as we can for the facts that has happen in the past. He keeps bring up the Tony thing. I know it hurts him and I don’t really thinks he realizes deep down it hurts me too. Yes, I will say this. I am human and I do make mistakes just like the next person yet for some reason I have to be some goddess. I know he doesn’t realize that he expects this of me but he does and it kind of hurts my feelings in away. I most of the time try for it not to get to me. I love Chris so much and I don’t want anything bad to happen to us.

Moving in with him was such a big step and I’m so scared I will fuck it up some how. I love to be with him. I love everything about him. And sometimes I don’t know what to think about him. I just want to step back and just go damn….any girl would be lucky to have someone like him. He is so good to me. I get told all the time that I’m lucky to have someone like that. And I do feel lucky to have him. I feel SO damn lucky. 🙂

I have had such a hard time in the past four years at high school. I went through a really bad depression for the first two years of high school. Then I dated Valarie for almost 2 years (10th and 11th grade). Which was so hard on me, for us. Because we was the only open same sex relationship. I fought cutting myself and everything else.

So, being with someone that loves me for me and only wants to be with me. Has made me feel like almost like I don’t deserve someone like him. He is sitting in the living room watching a movie right now and I can’t help but look at him and realize so much. Realize that I do love him and I do want to be with him and only him. It’s a great feeling. 😀 I guess I sound like a little kid in puppy love.

I don’t know sometimes….I have always believed that Life is like licking honey off a thorn bush. I keep expecting something bad to happen. Like it always does. Because everything seems to good right now. Everything!! And I don’t know what to expect. 😐 I guess I need to shut the fuck up now. LMAO

Today at school there was a black out for about an hour it came back on twice and then shortly after it went off again. It finally stayed on the third time it came on. I hate the dark. But any who….

I will try to update again soon. I should have the net in my our room but this weekend sometime.

Ronda and Tony are coming in this weekend and Ronda is staying in this time. Tony will be on the road my himself. I’m glad Ronda is staying in this time. I love being around her. She is my mommy away from my mommy. LMAO

later taternuts

Tears Of A Crying Soul

“Do You Think I’m A Whore?” –Kittie

[EDIT] Mom said we could use her truck to help move stuff. I guess that’s a start. My mother told me today that she isn’t going to help me move at all. She said if I need any help (like money wise) she wouldn’t help me out at all as long as I lived over there.

Ronda told me I had some balls on me to even tell her. They are suppose to come and get my stuff and me tomorrow. I really hope so. I need more boxes to pack my shit in, but when I asked mom to get me some today as she went out. She told me no, because that would be helping. 😐 Mom is suppose to get me some boxes Monday from her work. So, now I have to have someone go them for me, since neither Chris or I can drive yet.

I have to call and get the net cut off tonight before they take out this months bill (which is on the 15th). I will still be able to update the blog. But this layout will have to stay up for a while for right now. Until we get a phone line run upstairs in our (Chris and I) room. They have the net already on their computer downstairs. They have AOL 9.0…which is okay. I have (had) Wal-Mart Connect. I : h e a r t : Wal-Mart. But anyway…

I was crying because of my English teacher. I swear I am never going to get out of this is damn school. The 5 writings I have aren’t good enough for her. So, now I have to go talk to another English teacher that is going to tell me to work harder, stay after school to get help and when I already do that….wait I do both. I worked really hard on my papers and all I ended up with is shit…all shit… 🙁

Anyway….this class is about to end….I will write sometime tonight maybe tomorrow night if I can get on the computer….It not it might be Monday before I can update again. But yeah, don’t worry I will be okay!!

If you want to email me PLEASE send it to Rainbow@faded-stars.org. Thanks
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