puzzle piece

Recapping

Lets recap what has happen this month. It has been a very wonderful and very horrible month so far. Well, year. At the first start of the month I got to meet my best friend of almost 9 years for the first time. Then at the end of the month I got my car broken in to for the 3rd time in seven months. Their has been a horrible ice storm this week that has knocked out cell towers, power in a lot of areas and most land lines are messed up. Great plus. NOT.

I hope the rest of the year or at least even the up coming month is going to be better. It has to look up, right? Right? Come one. Please.

Recapping

Lets recap what has happen this month. It has been a very wonderful and very horrible month so far. Well, year. At the first start of the month I got to meet my best friend of almost 9 years for the first time. Then at the end of the month I got my car broken in to for the 3rd time in seven months. Their has been a horrible ice storm this week that has knocked out cell towers, power in a lot of areas and most land lines are messed up. Great plus. NOT.

I hope the rest of the year or at least even the up coming month is going to be better. It has to look up, right? Right? Come one. Please.

The next step

I finally made the next step in my life. I applied for Bowling Green Technical College. I am so proud. I know it is only applying but I feel so much better to even have done it that fair.

I really wanted to go back to school for years now but I never did. I decide to just look over what they have and I found something finally. It is called Information Technology. It is a two year course but I can pick the course I want. And they have course that nothing but web design. I can finally get the a degree in what I want. I would be able to finally get a career in something I love as well. That is just dreamy and very sexy.

I am getting so happy about thinking about it. I hope that money isn’t what holds me back. Cody says he will help me fill out my info about getting loans and grants. I really hope I can get it all or most paid for. That is hoping for the best. 🙂

I really hope I can go to school and work around 32 hours a week. I think that would work out great. Go to school around 12 to 14 hours and work part time. Money is a big deal since I live on my own but maybe with the grants and loans. I can pay bills with that and not have to just work full time and die doing the rest. lol

Would you want to watch it?

I randomly think about the good and bad times. The moments that make us, well, us. The moments that in an instant will either break us or make us the person we are today. The moment that changed everything about our lives. The one choice that lead us to the path we are today. I think about what moment, what choice, what help make us make this choice, this decision. I wonder how or why we got the conclusion we did.

I randomly think about the choices that have got me to this point in my life. Not just everyone else, but me. It is hard for me to believe I was married for 3 years. It is even harder for me to believe I was with Cody for almost a year. Not hard because it was bad but over all. It is hard for me to believe just over 4 years of my life is gone. . .and I am scared if I blink, another 4 years will be gone. . .If I fall a sleep, I will a wake an old women. Scared of what will lay a head of me.

My father told me as a child I was wishing my life way. You wish to be 16, then 18, then 21 before you know it, you blink your 40. I am starting to believe that. My weeks seem to be getting shorter and my months seem to fly by. I tell myself this is all because I’m so busy. I really, don’t think that it is. I think it is because of my age. I have already wished all my years way. Now time is speeding up. I remember as a kid, the summers would last forever. Our two week breaks would never end. Weekends lasted longer then just a few moments. I still get the two day weekends. They are over before I know it.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not wishing to move time, I’m not wanting to change my past and I truly will never regret my past. Cody once told me, If your life was a movie, would you want to watch it?

Then it hit me, how true is that. Why live life any other way? I imagine when my life is over, when it is all said and done with sitting there watching my life. This beautiful movie, this work of art. I can imagine myself laughing, turning red A LOT, crying, wanting to change the channel but never ever taking back anything, not one moment. Never changing a thing.

I truly believe I am happy with these choices. I truly believe that I am a wonderful person. With all my flaws, imperfectness, with all of my downsides. I am truly a beautiful person and I feel like it has taken me years to finally see that. I am what ever you say I am, but I know what I am.

I bet you think this blog is about you, don’t you?

I bet you think this blog is about you, don’t you?

His mother told me, “If he is suppose to leave you alone, leave him alone!!!!”. I believe I am not suppose to write an entry about whoever I want when ever I want. Let me get this right. I, who pays for the domain, who lives in the land of the free, can’t write a simple goodbye note. Something that was meant just to get how I felt about, out in the open. Wasn’t like I wrote something bad. Wasn’t like I wrote something mean. I simply wrote. Goodbye. That is it. Nothing more, nothing less. I could have been a bitch but I didn’t. I could have said so much more but I didn’t. I won’t. I am a bigger person than that.

I don’t believe I got the note that said I couldn’t write whatever I wanted to write. I don’t really remember that. Damn it. I must get more note pads to write on. But wait, remember, I was the one with a good job, a place to live and a new car. Forgive me for working to get everything I have. Forgive me for carrying everyone else’s load for so long. Forgive me.

I feel as if I can look be on all this and become a better person. I don’t regret the past year, I don’t regret my past 4 years. I am who I am because of everything. I will have to rise up be on the hurt and pain. I will have to find ways of forgiving. Never forgetting but always forgiving. Karma finds a way around to everything. Good or bad.

Remember, don’t judge anyone. Everyone is working on a harder battle. I don’t understand people. Like they have a fucking right to judge anyone or anything. As if they are better or even worse. I know I have made mistakes. I know I’m not and never will be perfect. This is something some people will never get out of their head. I have worked my butt off for as long as I can remember. And I will be damned if a snot nosed little brat is going to bring me down because of it. Fine.

Remember, you are the one that said “If you think your ready, then fucking bring it.” It will be. It will be.

xox