random moments

Maybe I am

Maybe I am doing something right. Finally it seems Keith and I have reached a standing point, a meeting ground. I hope so. We sat on the bad thoughts (leaving each other) and we sat on the good ones :love: for a few days before talking about it. I really think we have worked something out. I truly hope so. It feels like it has.

I can see it in his eyes that he truly wants us to be okay and be happy together. I can see he really is going to try this time. It makes me smile. 🙂 I know how much I want us to be okay :heart: but it takes two.

Good News: I finally made it to management. I start my training next week. This means better pay. I will make $6.75 not $6. This is going to help Keith and me so much. I’m really going to start saving money. I have too. I’m opening up my own account so I can keep track of my design money and my money I’m not paying on bills. :cheery: I’m proud of myself. It takes really hard work to move up. Most people will never understand how hard fast food is. It’s not easy to smile and hand really rude people their food. Knowing that that person was so rude to your crew.

Where did I go wrong?

Keith and I had another big fight today. That’s right another. Most people think we are this happy couple that get along great. We don’t. We are always fighting about something. We work together so that makes it even worse. We never had anytime to ourselves. We ALWAYS have someone over or have something to do. Which makes it impossible to really get anything done or to really spend time with each other. The time we really need.

I love my husband more than anything in this world. I truly believe that I would go crazy without yet both of us are miserable most of the time. I don’t know what to do anymore. We have been fighting like this for the past year. It just seems to get worse. Keith has a very bad temper. He has always had it but never showed it to me until these last few months. He scares me so bad. I’m not sure what he will do. I mean I know he would never hit me or anything but far as yelling at me and stuff like that. He does it all the time over silly things that really don’t matter to either of us. Things in 20 minutes let alone the rest of our lives that just don’t matter. I don’t get that. Why we fight over silly things. I know they are silly yet I hate being talked to like that.

I feel like cry just about all the time or if not crying trying to find outlets. I’m always work. I’m always stressed and never sleep. I feel sick all the time and yet I push on. I have to push on because I know if I don’t know one else will.

Keith and I fight over house stuff a lot or what he wants to buy. He wants to buy guns. I want to save up for a house/land. I want him to help with the house work. He WON’T. I work 35+ hours a week and then come home and clean for another 1+ hours a night. Plus I have to do web design work just about every night; that’s another 2+ hours, just right there. He works 25+ hours a week and comes home to watch TV/play on his computer. I have to beg him to help me and when he finally does it takes him around a week to do anything.

I just don’t understand. I work so hard for us to have a life together and I know he does too and here we are throwing it all away over silly things. Crazy. How dumb can we be?

Yawn

I just woke up about a half an hour ago. I’m stilling yawning, still not really awake yet and very hungry. I can’t think of anything good to eat and I have to be at work at 5. Which really blows. I much rather be sitting here at home. It’s rainy and good sleeping weather and even better working on web design weather.

I really enjoyed my two days off. I hardly ever get them and when I do I really, really enjoy them. I get to be lazy or clean house or do whatever.

Friday night we drove around and went to this store called Git-R-Done. Keith wanted to buy a coy boy hat and this story is the “place” around here to get really nice coy boy hats. Well, after we paid for his hat he picked up her business card and remarked “I noticed you don’t have a website. Are you going to have one?” She remarked “Yes, I was just talking about it with a girl, she quoted me a $150 to get started.” Then I popped out with “I will do it for $75.” I went out to explain what sites I have done, how long I have been doing design and so on. I finally got me another client. How great is that? It made my day. I was. .still so happy about it. 😀

Saturday Keith went to work, I just cleaned a little bit and worked on this and that on my computer and then after he got off work Keith came home from work. A couple of friends called up and wanted to hang out. They ended up spending the night. They left before I got my sorry butt out of bed but I stilled enjoyed hanging out.

I’m off to find something that sounds good.

First Post. . .again

Here I am starting over again. All I wanted was to have crazy–talk.org back but someone bought it and whoever bought it won’t answer emails. 😥 This makes me angry. Very angry. So, I’m with a back up domain for a while. I might stay. I’m not sure yet.

I could go a head and upload all my old WP archives but I thought I would start over. Why not?

I’m working on new tricks and new things. All new pages. I’m not moving any files over. I want all new. I still have all of my old databases but what is the fun in that. I have them if I ever want to look at them and that’s it.

Starting over feels kind of nice. 😉 It might not be that bad. Really.

Finally something being done

Like the title says, I’ve finally started doing something to this site because I’m great like that. I have put up a new layout, upgraded my guestbook to BellaBook 3.1. I need to make a new layout for it but I want to get a few more things done around here first. I have downloads I want to add (fonts, scripts, icons) first. I want to work on re-writing my page about me, working on the domain page and my soul mates page. I want to start that tomorrow. Crossing my fingers on getting it done.

Someone asked me if I wrote the song from the last entry. No, I wished I did. 😆 But nope, someone else did. I just really loved the song so much I wanted to post the lyrics. I jumped up and down when Keith played it for me. I :heart: hippos!

I left Jem a comment saying that I would plug tutorialtastic today because she plans on updating most of the site. 🙂 So, I’m pluging it. That’s also why it’s being plugged at the top of my entry. Like that girl needs more hits.

I’m so glad I’m off Friday (today) and Saturday. I need them. I have been so tired. I feel like I have been going and going. I am so getting some much needed R & R and web design counts as R & R. You can’t make me think other wise.