random moments

Aside

Some long nights

I promised blog entries. So, here is one.

I have been so confused and lost at points in the last few weeks. I have been happy and overwhelmed. I have been sad and depressed. Thought I couldn’t go any lower. Then I have been able to look, reflect and try to study why I am where I am.

I don’t have answers still to why Cody did what he did to me. Why they was more important and I was tossed to the side. Maybe with time I can get answers. But now he says he wants to work on friendship. It has been easier with time to be able to at least speak with him on the phone.

I don’t know if I am ready for a face to face meet up yet with him but with time I am sure I will be. With time, it heals all. Each day gets easier. . .let me rephrase that. Most days now are easier. I still have some long nights and short days it feels like. The nights seem to be when I miss him the most. Nights are so lonely.

I still hurt and I still don’t understand. I feel like I wasn’t go enough. But I read a quote and it seems to make it a little easier.

You can love someone and still be wrong for them.

I feel like that is the case right now because Cody is a really nice guy when he isn’t with me. And I like to think I am pretty awesome. 🙂 But when we are together, we seem to bring out the evil. Like we are a bad set of wonder twins.

I don’t question if he loves me, because love has nothing to do with us. We love each other more then I think two people should be able to love. We are are wrong for each other. . .I know it doesn’t seem to be possible but I think it is. Love is such a funny thing. It can happen and without you even realize take over and just fuck everything up. It makes you question yourself, it makes you do weird things. It just. . .is. . .AHHHHH! I don’t know. It’s crazy.

I want to think that this is all a bad dream and he is still at Basic training and I’m waiting to pick him up. That he still loves me and wants to be with me. That none of this happen but it sets in and I realize that isn’t the case at all. I’m here, alone. Just me and the cats. *sad face* 🙁

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What a day

Wow, just wow. That is all I have. I am so tired. Saturday during all the bad storms we had. My mom got hurt. She thought she broke her foot or at least hurt it really, really bad. Tried working on it Monday, well, but that evening. It was a total fail. Around 6ish mom calls me back to her house to take her to the ER. We didn’t get out until 2am. WTF? 🙁 Her foot isn’t broke a plus but still angry about having to wait that long.

I was so tired. I went to work just long enough to finish the book I was working on. Then I was so tired I started to blank out. I came home and went back to bed. I have felt like crap all day. I am looking forward to going to bed tonight.

I also finally got my book in from Amazon, The Virgin Suicides. I loved the movie. And so far, the movie seem to be pretty faithful to the book. Which makes me happy. 🙂 I am going to finish my pizza from Subway. Then head to bed. Night world.

8 days until my Cody James comes home. I am so happy.

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Randomness

When life is good, life is really good. And when life is shit, life is really shitty it seems.

Right now, I am at a point where life is good. It hasn’t always been this way and I would be crazy to think it will stay this good but I can’t help to smile and laugh. The only thing that could make me happier is waking up and tomorrow be May 6th. So I could go pick Cody up.

Life is going to be amazing next month. I am sure once the honeymoon stage wears off and we get back in our normal routine everything will balance out to some good and some bad days. A normal married life but right now, I am on cloud nine. I could not ask for anything more.

Sorry, random moment since I can’t sleep. :love:

Aside

The prefect dress

I went to a little dress shop in my home town and tried on some dresses today after I got off work. And I found one. It is so pretty. I feel like a holiday Barbie. It isn’t like the dress I picked out online but I was kind of hoping to find one close to home so I could try it on. If I order online I have to hope it fits. It fits so nice. I am in love all over again. <3

Also, we kind of have a new addition to our little family. My road I live on is known to throw animals out of. Which is terribly sad but it happens in the real world of living in such a small town they down even have an animal shelter. People normally place unwanted dogs and cats out. Well, I have been known to feed the cats. They are great when you live with a field behind your home. 🙂 Someone dropped out a pitbull puppy most likely from the age 4 – 6 months old. He is starved half to death. He is nothing but skin and bones. I wish I was making that part up but I’m not. He looks terrible but I am going to get his weight back on. *cross fingers*

I talk to Cody about it tonight. He says he likes the idea of having a bigger dog around the house to kind of protect me when he is gone. Which when I was a kid we had a pitbull and he was amazing. He never tried to bit or anything. This puppy has been pretty amazing so far. He hasn’t once tried to chase the cats inside nor has he tried to bit or snip at them. He didn’t try to bit when I took food from him and he was pretty hungry. I was talking to Cammie about it and she says I have a keeper. I think so too. He is a sweet puppy. Thinks he is the size of the cats still. Super cute.

Besides that, I did book our hotel for our honeymoon. 5 nights in Smoky Mountains. I can’t wait. I have so much for use to do, like never leave our room. But really, I mean, we might leave it for food. . . XD I can’t wait. Eeee!

One of the best parts of getting married. “Muh” Cammie is coming down to be my maid of honor! :yay: