Month: March 2005

Can’t sleep. . .

I can’t sleep yet again tonight. I don’t know what has come over me. I have been just sitting in front of the computer and the TV. I can’t sleep no matter how long I lay there. I feel tired and I feel like I need sleep yet I’m wide a wake.

Sunday, Keith and I was together one year. 🙂 I can’t believe its already been one year. In September we will be married one year. I can’t believe how fast the time has went by. It just seems like yesterday that we first start talking on the phone and hanging out. WOW! The time goes by fast. I just repeated myself like 3 times. I am tired. :yawn:

Caroline’s birthday party went well. I took a few pictures but then my digital camera’s memory card went blank by the time I got it home. I think it got to cold but now thinking about it, it really wasn’t that cold. I don’t know. Hmmm. . . I was mad when I got home. I plugged in my camera in to my computer and blank. . .nothing there. I was like Son of a bitch! I hope mom took a few good ones.

Right now, I am downloading more brushes for PhotoShop 7, at first I didn’t like it very well. I wanted to stay with Gimp but the more I play with PS 7 the more I want to make images in it but I’m the same way with any graphics program. I start playing with it; I never want to stop. LOL I am great like that.

After I get done with the brushes. I have to burn a few cds for Keith. I have to burn all the brushes I’m downloading, all my fonts I have on my computer (all 997 of them) and all the browsers and programs I have on my computer. I am going to be up for hours. LOL But I don’t mind. I love helping my baby. He just got a new computer last week and he was so happy. His old computer didn’t really work very well anymore. It wouldn’t even dial-up to the net. But he just got a new dell :floppy: and I think he is pretty happy.

Well, I am off. I have a lot to do before I got to bed in a few hours. Night….well, morning. 😉

Thank you

Thank you everyone for your sweet and caring comments. I still feel very different inside and out. I look at how my body was changing and how it went back to normal and think “WOW! I had something living inside of me. I had a living being growing inside of me.” I feel just blessed knowing that I can get pregnant, that I had that moment of happiness growing inside. I know that sounds odd to say after what happen but I have to think on the bright side, right?

Early Friday morning around 4 am or so before Keith and I went to bed. I just cried. I cried for a long time. I had to get it out. I felt a little better after I got it out not back to normal but a little better.

I put the baby blanket away. I can’t stand even looking at it, let alone working on it. I told Keith when I get pregnant again I would finish it then but not now. It’s way to soon. I almost come to tears when ever I look at baby stuff or past by a little baby. I know I should get over this but I can’t yet. It is going to take time and I know that, Keith knows that. It’s just so hard. 😥

WOW! It is getting late. I made Caroline’s birthday cake earlier today. She wanted a purple cake with blue icing on it for her 7th birthday. So, I made it for her. She turned 7 on the 16th of this month. Mom just decided to have her party tomorrow today. Easier to have it on Sunday then a week night, you know?

Well, I think I am going to head off to bed. I am getting tired :yawn: and I have to get to mom’s house early to help set stuff up for the party.

Miscarriage . . .

Well, I went to the doctor the 15th and he seem to think I might be pregnant but didn’t know for sure. Well, I was. I had a miscarriage yesterday afternoon. I woke up and was hurting really bad. Keith’s mom took me to the ER and I had a miscarriage. I am still bleeding pretty bad and I am still hurting. They gave me pain pills. The pain pills help a little but I feel so empty inside. I have already lost most of my stomach I had and my weight has start to drop as well. 😥

I don’t know what to think. Keith and I are both so upset. I know it’s not the end of the world but I still feel very hurt inside. Like part of my soul got cut out. You know?

I guess I will go. I need to eat something.

80 GB External Hard Drive, BABY!

My father-in-law got me a new external hard drive (80 GB)! Like OMG! I only had a 30 GB hard drive in the first place. I’m in love! :heart: I’m for real! The reason he bought me a new hard drive is because we work out deals for web design. I work on his site for computer stuff or money or whatever at the moment he feels like giving me for work. I can work for computer stuff. Because other wise Keith nor I could buy it. YAY! *does happy Nikki dance*

I go to the doctor today. It has been driving me nuts not know for sure. I mean, I know for sure but I would rather hear it from a doc. My weight at the moment is now 104 lbs and my stomach around is 30 inches. I most likely will start a page for the baby. A page showing my stomach picture once a week, a weight chart and how much my stomach as grown. More for me then anything. I would like to keep up with it. And it would be nice to know this stuff. LOL You know?

I am so sleeply. I got up early today. Well, not to early but still I’m tired. :yawn: Keith has already gone to bed. I don’t think he is on good terms with me right now. I didn’t want to watch a movie with him and he decided to go on to bed. I don’t blame him. I know he is tired too.

After I finish this blog entry I am going to upload a couple things for Chet (my father-in-law) and then I’m off to bed. After I get back from the doctor tomorrow today. I am going to make a new skin, take down the old ones, update my FL and HL because I was stupid and deleted my data bases and I had to restore from the point before I edited them, so yet again I have to go through and edit the links again. I was bright that day and then I have to fix Keith’s site for him and then I have to clean the house. My damn house looks so bad. I just have been putting everything off since Keith had a 4 day weekend. I just would rather spend my time with Keith then do anything.

On the plus side, I was talking to our family and since Keith’s cousin, Rachel’s baby will to old for all his new-born stuff when our baby is born so we can have all of the babys stuff like that. Then my cousins (two just had babies) will have all their stuff. One had a boy and one had a girl. So, either way we are getting some great stuff. YAY!! 😀 I love baby stuff. It’s so cute! I need a baby smilie. Ummm… I’m great!

Is it bad, if I’m falling a sleep at the keyboard? :yawn: Very likely. I’m off. Night *head hits keyboard* :ouch:

Your ass is being banned

I don’t know if many people know this but just about everything you do on my site, your IP is logged. You rate my site; IP logged, sign my guestbook; IP logged. You get where I’m going with this. Well, some people have been making an ass of themselves with rating my site with zero or leaving very rude comments in my guestbook. Now, I just don’t believe someone could think my site sucks that much. You know? Well, people who have been making an ass of themselves has had their IP blocked. Because I have that power! 😉

I thought I would just bring that up. Because I guess some people don’t think that I’m smart enough to block IPs. It’s one of my favorite things EVER! Just kidding! 😀