Month: July 2008

I’m bad luck. Stay away.

Tired. I was up early getting my oil changed. Yet again, my days off fly by and today I have to be at work again.

I hope within the next couple of days I can move everything from Geek Talk over to my new server. I have been to busy to even do that. I haven’t really been checking email and what not. I had a hard weeks.

As you read my last post, my car got broken into, then it got broken in to again. Twice within ten hours. Then Sunday my Cookie Marie (my puppy I have had since I was 9) passed away. Then just stuff like that all week. Nothing seems to make it better.

Bad luck all around. Maybe things will look up.

My car is broken . . .in to

My poor, poor car. I am so upset. My car I just got in April has now been broken into over my purse that had no cash, only a debit card and a check book. I already canceled the debit card and the check book. I had just got my new ID two days ago. Yeah, I know. The really bad part about it, it was in my own drive way. I live right behind a bar. Damn bar. Damn drunk people. Damn it all to hell. WOW, that was a lot of damns.

I don’t even carry cash. They didn’t get anything out of it. Some pads, lip gloss and maybe some pictures of my family. That is it. OMG! Really? Time in jail over that. People are so stupid.

Also, on top of that. I go to call my mom and dad. Since I am on their car insurance. I can’t get a hold of anyone. Two cellphones and a house phone. No one would pick up. OMG!! I am so upset about that too. I could be dead someone and they wouldn’t even know it.

The only thing I have left is to call the car insurance tomorrow and then go find out what the bank has to say. Good thing, I had already had a new debit card coming in the mail. I swear.

PS:They took my lucky gold dollar. 🙁 I think I might cry now. I swear.

Today is a new day but tomorrow is what scares me

So much as happen over the past few months, weeks and days. Nothing that is earth shattering but in the end, isn’t it always earth shattering. Something make my world come to a stop.

First, I guess I am done dealing with Heather. She is who she is and if I had it my way, I would never hear her name or hear about her ever again. Next.

Second, well, let’s see. As me and Greg was seeing each other. We spent some wonderful times together and I hope we can remain great friends and learn from it all. I can’t handle memories or let go of my past. Something is holding me tight and won’t let me go. I know a lot of it has to do with my ideas of what makes me happy. Whether it makes me truly happy or not.

Have you ever been happy in situations your in and be happy that it didn’t change? Let me give you an example. Everyone that knew me and Cody, knew we had a lot of fights. We stopped dating, stopped fighting and everything. Then I really start missing him. Hanging on. Is the fighting, yelling and drama what I missed or my love for him. What is it that I missed so much? Really, when it comes down to it. What makes me miss him dearly? He does have some great features about him. I love his boyish ways, the way he is growing up to become a man. I love the life he wants. His dreams, his goals. I really hate the fact, I couldn’t trust him in the end. That I felt it was built on lies and want to be hope.

Greg and me never had disagreements. And if we did, we talked it out and handled it. Went on with our lives. Never once letting it be the end or making it out to be a big deal. No matter how big or small. That should be how it is. That should be what I want.

I know we (Cody and I) both betrayed each other. We both thought one thing and show each other another. We both said and did things we shouldn’t have. I can’t take back my past. I will not. I can’t take back the hurt that I caused him or anyone else. I can hope that I can make up for it and make it better some how.

I can look in to Cody’s eyes and know that I love him. That I think and feel things for him that I have never felt before. He can make me angry, happy, upset, passionate all in one instant. No one has ever been able to do that to me. I have passion in my soul for him. He makes me weak and melt.

Greg, over all, nothing could be wrong with him. Girls, for real. Perfect in a relationship. This is what upsets me about the whole thing. For once in my life, it truly is me and not the other person. That stupid one liner, “It’s not your, it’s me.” OMG! Really, I know.

Cody told me. I want you happy. No matter if it is with me or not. Greg has said the same thing. I truly don’t want to fight over them or have one hate me or each other because of me. In a life with out me in it and Greg and Cody had met I really think they could have been friends. But that is a different story. :/

I want Greg and Cody happy. Cody said he had finally started to date someone when I stepped back in to his life. He has finally started to let go. I had too. I finally had started to let go. Well, what I thought was letting go.

What I thought was want I wanted in life. Isn’t and everything that I wanted before isn’t there. I really don’t have any set goals or anything. I thought I wanted the house, the kids, the 9-5. I know, I love the idea of marriage. I do believe I still want these things, but not right now.

I want fun and I want life to happen. I don’t want to wake up 40 and realize I haven’t done anything with my life. I have always been told I was 20 going on 40. Lighten up; to take things less seriously. I want to. I am always worried or freaking out about something. I want to chill out.

I can’t let go of it all. Cody asked me to be just “fuck” buddies or if I would want that. Or did I want to be with him or what I wanted. He says that he truly doesn’t know. He likes being with me. He likes being around me at times. At times? Really? I think I could handle being friends with him. Handle even being “buddies” but I know it would hurt at times. I really want 100% of someone. No worries, no regrets, not resentment because of a past we had together. I want a clear path. I want to run and find what I am looking for. Maybe I have. Maybe I haven’t. I don’t know any more. That is what scares me. I wrote in my twitter one time. “Today is a new day but tomorrow is what scares me.” Hell yeah, everything scares me.

Part two: Here is to you, Heather

Part two of the Heather entries. She is being “nice” this time. OMG! I get a myspace message this time. Okay, I can do this.

Look we need to stop this High School bullshit. We are 23 years old and we are acting like we are still kids. Just stop talking about me to everyone cause you don’t even know me. I am being nice this time. It is getting old. So please stop. It is stupid. THANKS. —Heather (myspace)

First, I can tell, someone else wrote it. Most likely a family member. At least good job for placing caps where they belong. *claps* Far as what it says. You are 100% correct as this being high school drama. We are two adults and we are acting around the age of 16. That is fine with me at this times. It keeps me young. lol

Your message on the other hand. I didn’t talk about YOU to anyone until you made yourself known. I had not named any names until YOU made yourself known. YOU are the reason I made sure everyone knew who you was. YOU wanted to be known. So, I made YOU known. What is so bad about that?

Far as the rest of the message, you are being “nice” this time. Excuse me, really? Really, now? You are killing me. For real, just stop. What happens when your bad? Going to smoke some more and get more tattoos? Just wondering when the fun stops and you take responsibilities for your actions and realize you are having a child or if you really are. Step up to become a better person. This is your chance. Stop all the stupid parting and do the right thing. OMG! I can’t believe you can be so stupid. I mean, really.

I was looking so forward to this “gift” you spoke of in one of your last comments. Damn! Damn! Now do I not get it? That would upset me so.

PS: You can stop of this, really. Just drop off the face of the earth. Then, I do believe I can finally be happy to the ending of all this. Other wise, write what you want, do what you want and say what you want. This is a free land, for at least a little while, well, over 200 years and still going.

KTHXBYE! xox

Here is to you, Heather

On the 25 of June I wrote a blog entry titled Baby Mama Drama and I wrote it with no names to just get what I wanted out of my head. No harm in that. I didn’t write names because it wasn’t my place to say names but you got to love people that want to be known, no matter what. I really love the fact that her intelligence shows with her words, her actions. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. It truly does. I can’t wait to grow up and become all smart like her. This is her comment she left me on myspace. Got to love myspace drama. lol

Let me tell you something you bitch first of all you need to stop righting shit about me cause I already know about you and Greg what you have done to him. I told him the dates that I had my dr.’s appointments and I have the paper showing that I am having his baby. I do not sleep around, becuase unlike some people I loved Greg and still do. I never fucked any guy when I was with him. Why you are trying to be my friend now I don’t know but you just found yourself worse then a friend. I know Greg is moving out. And I do smoke but you are not my dr. or my mother. I did get a tattoo and the guy that did it new it. So mind your own and leave me the fuck alone. You can show Greg this because I don’t give a shit. I want this baby to get here fast now cause I got a presant for you in three months —Heather (her myspace)

Now, don’t get me wrong. Like I said in my other blogs, I don’t remember not being able to write whatever I want in a blog entry. I have stated this many times before. What happen to freedom of speech and all. That is correct, I still live in the land of the free.

Oh, wait, I guess that comes in to play when I start getting my self “knocked-up” and getting tattoos and smoking. I really want my child to come out with extra fingers and toes. Score one for her. That is right there next to eating fish and playing with raw waste. Yeah, I do believe she is doing everything right, you know? NOT!

I do understand, not everyone is perfect and we all do things from time to time that isn’t the brightest moments. But where do you get that it is a good idea to do the things you openly agreed on doing. Hello? I mean, did you even finish high school. You are the people that give Kentucky a bad name.

In her about me section even cracks me up. Get this:

Hi again. For those who don’t know me, my name is Heather I am 23 years old and can be nice and can be mean however you treat me. I love to draw and I love music. But what I love the most is my family. I could not ask for a better family. What I want in life is to be happy and I am just that. I have to keep my head up and live life each day like its my last. My friends keep me on my toes and keep me smiling and without them I would not be who I am today. I am out going and outspoken lol, but I will make you laugh. I also forgot to tell you I have 5 tattoos now I just got one the other day on my foot. I love it. Ok I am done. So if you want to get to know me more message me.

I wanted to high light the fact she openly says how she is getting tattoos since she has become pregnant. Really? Where did that become a good idea? Like Cammie said Why take a chance on catching a blood born infection. That shows how much you really care. Come on now. I have already told this girl more then once she was a waste of air. The more and more I hear about her, the more and more I truly believe this. I have and never will wish harm to anyone or anything. I hope and pray that her child comes out healthy. Since she is doing everything sooooo right.

On to Cammie’s comment:

Taking the chance of catching a blood born infection while being pregnant is really smart now isn’t it?

I would watch it with the threats if I were you because I take threats to my friends very personally.

Jen can write anything she wants about you or anyone else it is called freedom of speech.

Jen wrote a blog entry not naming names just putting her thoughts out on the matter and you step right up proudly to put a name and a face to it and completely air your situation and awful parenting skills to the world?

Obviously, your lack of intelligence and the fundamental lack of education that you have shines brightly though your decisions and statements made here. —Cammie (her web site)

I am not even going to get in to the rest of Heather’s comment. I really feel like I am repeating myself. I will left the comments and her actions speak for themselves.

If she can’t leave it be, then I can’t. By the way Heather, if you want to find me. I am more then willing to give you my number so we can talk. Or you can act like a child some more and write another comment on myspace or whatever or how ever you want to handle it. But some of us do work and have a real life and home to go to. So, you would need to contact me after my 40 hours a week.

KTHXBYE!