Daily life

Aside

Just another day

The most boring of days. I woke up, and I needed to go grocery shopping and pick up Kyle’s van. I woke up about an hour before I was being picked up by Kyle’s mom Cendy (my soon-to-be mother-in-law). Before she came to pick me up I did the few things I have been aiming to do. Like putting away three loads of clean clothes. Washing another load. I also made my bed and took a shower before she picked me up. I was on it this morning. We went to Wal-Mart and Kroger. It was a very nice day.

Tomorrow I call about my test results that I had done a week ago tomorrow. I have everything that can be crossed, crossed. I am hoping for the good but I am preparing myself for the worse. I try not to think like that but I can’t help it sometimes.

I also have a family meeting with Life Skills tomorrow with Caroline. She is 13 thinking she is 21. And she thinks she is an adult. Her actions speak so load. She is so much a child. She has no idea what she is doing to her life. But that is another time and place.

Aside

Two options

I feel like I should update on life. Not a whole lot of stuff going on day to day life but some stuff does happen. Right now I had to have another biopsy over cervical dysplasia. Which in normal talk “pre-cancer” or the start of cancer. Which to me I thought couldn’t get any scarier then, August 1st, I had to have another biopsy done. Those cells are showing up again, not sure how bad yet but the doctor came into the office while I wait half naked. Stating two things if this pre-cancer is back or worse then it was in February I have two options. That is it. TWO! I am thinking okay. It can’t be that bad. Well, I was wrong.

Option one is put me in the hospital this time and do another LEEP / colposcopy and / or a cone biopsy. They want to take more of my cervices. Or Option two a hysterectomy. Not in my wildest dreams did I think that at 25 I would have to face this choice. That my future husband may not be able to have children and that his options for children can be answered for him because of this. I am so hurt by it. I won’t have a real answer to what I have to do until I get my results. Longest wait ever! They said 3 – 5 days. I should know something by Friday.

Kyle said he loves me and won’t leave if we can’t have children. They we have other options besides having children ourselves. But I wanted us to have a family so bad. I wanted us to have the whole life together. I just feel so sad and scared and hurt and so many other things that I just can’t put into words right now. I know he loves me, but how can he still want to be with someone that can’t have children. He said he kind of wanted a family but he loves me and wants what is best for me.

I love him so much and I am truly lucky to have someone like him. He cares so much and is willing to even sacrifice this for me. This is someone that loves me without borders, without limitations. Thank you Kyle for being so amazing and prefect for me!

Aside

Update on life

So many things to talk about. Where do I start. . .umm. . .well, Oral Communications is going okay, not sure how I feel about it but it’s okay. I don’t hate it but I don’t love it either. I think I am doing okay in the class far as a grade but I really don’t know because I don’t have anything graded.

I am selling my netbook and my nook so I can buy a nook color. I am in the process of being without the netbook now. I kind of miss it but since summer started I have picked it up maybe twice. Not a big deal. Just something else to keep track of.

I had a job interview today at 1pm for ShopNBC. It is another call center but I am hoping it is different than AFNI. I know it does pay more. It starts out at $10.20 hourly + more if you have worked in a call center before. 😀 Which I have. They said they will call or send you a letter letting you know one way or the other. But I have good faith. My friend Lance that I worked with at AFNI is a trainer there and said he put in a really good word for me. *crosses fingers* He said he already put his approve on it. Which is awesome. It is 3:30 – Midnight. That works out great, I get out of class around 2:50pm during the fall. I am going to be tired but we could really use the money. I know it’s only part-time. All I really wanted anyway. Kyle’s check is enough to pay the bills so I don’t have to work but it doesn’t really leave anything extra for us. So, I want to help us out. I am truly looking forward to getting a paycheck again.

Well, I worked on a project for a friend already, I looked up school info for another friend that doesn’t have internet. I went shopping for groceries and had a job interview. I am tired.

PS: I also love the new dashboard for WP. Very nice. Random.

Goodnight world. Have a lovely night.

Aside

This father’s day

Most people don’t know because we aren’t proud of the fact but my father is in jail this father’s day. He never has been before but due to some very unfortunate events my father has to pull 90 to a 180 days there and then be on shock probation up to 4 years. Never the less, I never really realized that I would miss my father so much until he went to jail. I never realized how often I truly did enjoy seeing him, talking to him and so on. He is a good man. He hasn’t always been a good father but what man can say he has been 100% of the time. He has always worked hard and we always had what we needed. It may not have been the best or name brand but we had what we needed.

So this father’s day I went to visit him in jail. It was a little over an hour drive. We did get to visit for around 35 minutes. It was nice. Happy father’s day. I miss you dad, can’t wait for you to come home.