drama queen

Projects & I HATE camping

“You just have to gay up everything, don’t you?” –Unknown (some guy on ABC)

I made my dad take me home from the “vacation”. I hated it. Camping should be renamed “crapping”. lol Camping would be fun with anyone else’s family but mine. Trust me!! I hate my family sometimes.

Kitten keeps calling me off and on. I’m home alone and I’m trying to get her to drive to my house to see me. It sounds like so much fun. I haven’t seen her since school let out.

[edit] I got Kitten to try to drive to my house and she got caught. Her mom called my house and everything…..OMG…I can’t believe this. She said there was no way of her getting caught. GREAT!! I’m so worried. I hope she is okay.[/edit]

OMG, I am finally in the last year of school. OMG!! Its great. And after high school. I get to move out and go off to college. I can’t wait.

I want to thank everyone who left a comment or emailed me. =) Also, NOTE TO HOSTEES: If you don’t update your site(blog) at least 1st a week, you WILL be delete. I’m tried of visiting my wonderful hostees and seeing that the have updated but once since they have moved in. I understand that you have all lives. Hell, so do I but its really stupid to ask to be hosted and “try” to run a site if you don’t have time for it. I know that sometimes, I can’t update but I try. =) So, please try to update….that’s one of the rules to be hosted here. Don’t follow the rules you are deleted.

Anyway, on a little note. I took over the HBO Fan listing and I opened the Pink Floyd The Wall fan listing. I am running 4 projects and my site. I think that I’m doing good.

If you like to join listings, please go join F-S listings. I am looking for lots of members. I only have but a hand full right now. So, please go join. =)

Well, I’m going to go clean some more. Make my mom happy when she gets back.

10 points 2 me

“Killing I understood. Relationships confused me.” –The Killing Dance, Laurell K. Hamilton

I hoped everything would get better but sometimes hopes are nothing and dreams are just dreams. I know that that’s sad to say but I am starting to believe that. Kitten doesn’t understand and I want her to so bad. I do.

I have did things that I’m not happy about and never will be but that gives her NO right to say mean things to me. I understand that she is hurt. Goddess, believe me but its still hurts me to have her say and do those mean things. What am I suppose to do, take it? In the end I do, I take everything she throws at me. EVERYTHING! No matter how big or small. I guess I should, I mean take the shit. She has been taking mine for ever it seems. I have put her in hell more then a number of counts. And she still loves me, I think that I should at least give her the respect she has given me. I want to but I don’t know how. I mean I try to, but in the end I always seem to fuck everything up. I hate that about my self.

I am trying so hard right now to make everyone happy. It doesn’t matter about me, just everyone else. I’m like that most of the time. Its always everyone else over me. I have been like that as long as I can remember.

You know what I have noticed. I have been getting longer and longer on this blog. Each entry just keeps growing. I know you people don’t read all of it. I wouldn’t…well, really I do because I write it but not the point.

“there she goes,there she goes again…”

Hell

If I told you this was killing me, would you stop?” –Unknown

Today has been one of the worse days of my life. I hate it. I hate myself mostly. I hate the fact I screwed up but most of all. For some reason, I don’t hate what I did. I hate the fact that Kitten and I ended the way we did. I hate the fact I made Kitten lose her best friend, over something like this. Something, that could have been so much worse.

But in the end I know it was worth everything. In the end it was worth every tear, every hug, every kiss, every laugh shared. I know that it hurts her to think she (Kitten) was suppose to trust us. That we was the few things she still had. It hurts to think that I hurt the few people I cared about.

Most of all it hurts me that I did such things without really thinking. Yes, I did think but yet I didn’t. I never thought that Kitten would break up with me. I fought a losing battle last night with her. Because as much as I wanted for her not to leave. Now, I want her so far away from me. I want her to leave me alone. I want her to fucking leave me and find someone who loves her for her and someone that can treat her with the respect that I never gave her. The respect she should have.

It doesn’t make me a bad person I believe that I don’t feel bad for what happen between me and her best friend. I don’t hate it at all. I hate that it had to end the way it did. I guess if that makes me a bad person then I’m a bad person.

I have had such a GREAT fucking day. It has just been great. I went to bed around 3am and I went to school. Took to finals. One in Chem 1 and the other in Spanish 1. I just know I failed the Spanish one but I don’t know about Chem. Tricia said that my chem teacher told her that NO one failed it. So, that has to be good. If I passed I will be so happy.

I added a new page. It is Life summed up. Kitten wrote it today about me. It really is my life summed up. I told her she really does know me if she can sum up my life like that in 3 pages. I laughed and then started to cry again. I cried soon as I read it because I knew that she knew me that well. I knew that she knew that I felt that way. I still know that she knows.

Chris also told me today that he likes/loves me. Chris. Chris!! My best friend in the whole world tells me this a day before school is out. God, I love my friends. I don’t know what I am going to do about any of this. I really don’t.

“when the shit hits the fan, it never lands evenly.” –Robert

Off to die……no, wait……live…maybe!!

Tricia is coming home with me tomorrow. I hope she can make me laugh. Right? I need it.

Stressed To Kill

I swear I’m going to go nuts. Noir said that I can’t ride with her to the ACT….I started crying. It never seems to end this week. I’m just glad I have got a school trip tomorrow. I don’t have to see my chem 1 teacher. That’s what I’m happy about it. : ) I hate that man sometimes.

See people I did hold out my promises. I did plug you!! =) *gives rainbow a hand* Thanks for all the good comments. And since Gwen doesn’t have a site right now, I want to thank her too!

OMG, the sky is so PRETTY right now. Its this really pretty pink and sky blue. Its right before it gets dark and I haven’t seen it that color before. I like it!! I wish I had web cam, I would take a picture. =)

I am tried, I need a bath, my fingers hurt and my life SUCKS so bad!!!! I really need to get out of my home town. I don’t know how much longer I can take it. The walls are closing in and I can’t get out!! Someone save me, please!!

One Of Those Days

First, I just typed this entry then exited out of it. DAMN IT!! I hate bad days!

Second, I wrote a 7 page letter to that chick I was mad at in the last entry. I think that we have agreed to disagree. I mean I hate fighting with her or anyone for that matter. I find it dumb and childish. I hate fighting all together!! I hope we can just chill and deal with what has happen and go on. I just don’t want to fight with her anymore.

Third, this freshmen guy started telling everyone that we fucked when we didn’t. He thought that it would make him look good or something. He said that he was only joking around and the joking got out of hand. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I called my band teacher telling him it was a lie and then the freshmen called him and told him the same thing. If he doesn’t believe us that means I can….we (freshmen and me) can get kicked out of band or even worse out of school. I can’t handle that. I still have another year to go and then I can’t get in to college with that on my recorder. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I really hope the band teacher believes us and not everyone else. I wouldn’t do that. If anyone really knows me at all they know guys really aren’t my thing. Well, yeah but that is a different story. That’s for another day!

I’m off to read and clean a little. I need to study for my ACT test I have to take this weekend. =( I hate test. I always freak out on them. ='( **really sad face** I hate people sometimes.

Go visit my wonderful hostees. They are all doing so well!!

PS: My friend, Gwen just sent this to me “Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot,” the man shouted, “That’s not what I said!”