family

Aside

Two options

I feel like I should update on life. Not a whole lot of stuff going on day to day life but some stuff does happen. Right now I had to have another biopsy over cervical dysplasia. Which in normal talk “pre-cancer” or the start of cancer. Which to me I thought couldn’t get any scarier then, August 1st, I had to have another biopsy done. Those cells are showing up again, not sure how bad yet but the doctor came into the office while I wait half naked. Stating two things if this pre-cancer is back or worse then it was in February I have two options. That is it. TWO! I am thinking okay. It can’t be that bad. Well, I was wrong.

Option one is put me in the hospital this time and do another LEEP / colposcopy and / or a cone biopsy. They want to take more of my cervices. Or Option two a hysterectomy. Not in my wildest dreams did I think that at 25 I would have to face this choice. That my future husband may not be able to have children and that his options for children can be answered for him because of this. I am so hurt by it. I won’t have a real answer to what I have to do until I get my results. Longest wait ever! They said 3 – 5 days. I should know something by Friday.

Kyle said he loves me and won’t leave if we can’t have children. They we have other options besides having children ourselves. But I wanted us to have a family so bad. I wanted us to have the whole life together. I just feel so sad and scared and hurt and so many other things that I just can’t put into words right now. I know he loves me, but how can he still want to be with someone that can’t have children. He said he kind of wanted a family but he loves me and wants what is best for me.

I love him so much and I am truly lucky to have someone like him. He cares so much and is willing to even sacrifice this for me. This is someone that loves me without borders, without limitations. Thank you Kyle for being so amazing and prefect for me!

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This father’s day

Most people don’t know because we aren’t proud of the fact but my father is in jail this father’s day. He never has been before but due to some very unfortunate events my father has to pull 90 to a 180 days there and then be on shock probation up to 4 years. Never the less, I never really realized that I would miss my father so much until he went to jail. I never realized how often I truly did enjoy seeing him, talking to him and so on. He is a good man. He hasn’t always been a good father but what man can say he has been 100% of the time. He has always worked hard and we always had what we needed. It may not have been the best or name brand but we had what we needed.

So this father’s day I went to visit him in jail. It was a little over an hour drive. We did get to visit for around 35 minutes. It was nice. Happy father’s day. I miss you dad, can’t wait for you to come home.

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Happy and sadness

So much to blog about but so little time. Cammie will be there THIS Thursday. I can not wait. We have so much to do. We are getting inked the night she flies in. Then who knows what else. I am looking so forward to the end of this week.

Tomorrow is going to be a sad day. My great aunt Betty died Sunday morning sometime. I wasn’t super close with her but she was my grandmother’s sister. I need to be at the funeral home for her.

This week is full of happy and sadness. We all deal with death in our own ways. I hope my grandmother will be okay. It was her last remaining living sister. Which has to be even harder.

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Homework that never ends

I swear this week has been the week of homework that never ends. I started one of my courses last week. It’s only an 8 week course so it has a lot going on in a short amount of time. It’s a networking class which makes it way sucker because well, I don’t like the networking part but my college thinks I need to take a couple networking classes to get my degree in Web design, so here I am in this course. It really is an easy class, just a lot to do. A lot of boring stuff to do. I’m already tired of the class and it is only my second week. Thank god, it’s online and I can do it as slow or as fast as I want. And it helps that my boyfriend (the amazing Kyle <3 ) is a Networking major. On to other things, we have been doing so much around the house lately. We have done small projects but they are really adding up. Okay, let me rephrase that. Kyle has been doing a lot of projects. I helped a little but he has done more then me. We finished placing rocks around the trailer to make a flowerbed this spring. 😀 I can not wait! Then he fixed stairs so now we can get up and down off our pack deck. We also picked up the yard and moved a dog house over from my parents house for Possum. All this week. And it is only Wednesday. I have to say this year has been a good year so far. I am very happy with the house, Kyle and even my brother is been doing better. Working and everything. Life is pretty good.