life

Thank you

Thank you everyone for your sweet and caring comments. I still feel very different inside and out. I look at how my body was changing and how it went back to normal and think “WOW! I had something living inside of me. I had a living being growing inside of me.” I feel just blessed knowing that I can get pregnant, that I had that moment of happiness growing inside. I know that sounds odd to say after what happen but I have to think on the bright side, right?

Early Friday morning around 4 am or so before Keith and I went to bed. I just cried. I cried for a long time. I had to get it out. I felt a little better after I got it out not back to normal but a little better.

I put the baby blanket away. I can’t stand even looking at it, let alone working on it. I told Keith when I get pregnant again I would finish it then but not now. It’s way to soon. I almost come to tears when ever I look at baby stuff or past by a little baby. I know I should get over this but I can’t yet. It is going to take time and I know that, Keith knows that. It’s just so hard. 😥

WOW! It is getting late. I made Caroline’s birthday cake earlier today. She wanted a purple cake with blue icing on it for her 7th birthday. So, I made it for her. She turned 7 on the 16th of this month. Mom just decided to have her party tomorrow today. Easier to have it on Sunday then a week night, you know?

Well, I think I am going to head off to bed. I am getting tired :yawn: and I have to get to mom’s house early to help set stuff up for the party.

Miscarriage . . .

Well, I went to the doctor the 15th and he seem to think I might be pregnant but didn’t know for sure. Well, I was. I had a miscarriage yesterday afternoon. I woke up and was hurting really bad. Keith’s mom took me to the ER and I had a miscarriage. I am still bleeding pretty bad and I am still hurting. They gave me pain pills. The pain pills help a little but I feel so empty inside. I have already lost most of my stomach I had and my weight has start to drop as well. 😥

I don’t know what to think. Keith and I are both so upset. I know it’s not the end of the world but I still feel very hurt inside. Like part of my soul got cut out. You know?

I guess I will go. I need to eat something.

80 GB External Hard Drive, BABY!

My father-in-law got me a new external hard drive (80 GB)! Like OMG! I only had a 30 GB hard drive in the first place. I’m in love! :heart: I’m for real! The reason he bought me a new hard drive is because we work out deals for web design. I work on his site for computer stuff or money or whatever at the moment he feels like giving me for work. I can work for computer stuff. Because other wise Keith nor I could buy it. YAY! *does happy Nikki dance*

I go to the doctor today. It has been driving me nuts not know for sure. I mean, I know for sure but I would rather hear it from a doc. My weight at the moment is now 104 lbs and my stomach around is 30 inches. I most likely will start a page for the baby. A page showing my stomach picture once a week, a weight chart and how much my stomach as grown. More for me then anything. I would like to keep up with it. And it would be nice to know this stuff. LOL You know?

I am so sleeply. I got up early today. Well, not to early but still I’m tired. :yawn: Keith has already gone to bed. I don’t think he is on good terms with me right now. I didn’t want to watch a movie with him and he decided to go on to bed. I don’t blame him. I know he is tired too.

After I finish this blog entry I am going to upload a couple things for Chet (my father-in-law) and then I’m off to bed. After I get back from the doctor tomorrow today. I am going to make a new skin, take down the old ones, update my FL and HL because I was stupid and deleted my data bases and I had to restore from the point before I edited them, so yet again I have to go through and edit the links again. I was bright that day and then I have to fix Keith’s site for him and then I have to clean the house. My damn house looks so bad. I just have been putting everything off since Keith had a 4 day weekend. I just would rather spend my time with Keith then do anything.

On the plus side, I was talking to our family and since Keith’s cousin, Rachel’s baby will to old for all his new-born stuff when our baby is born so we can have all of the babys stuff like that. Then my cousins (two just had babies) will have all their stuff. One had a boy and one had a girl. So, either way we are getting some great stuff. YAY!! 😀 I love baby stuff. It’s so cute! I need a baby smilie. Ummm… I’m great!

Is it bad, if I’m falling a sleep at the keyboard? :yawn: Very likely. I’m off. Night *head hits keyboard* :ouch:

Your ass is being banned

I don’t know if many people know this but just about everything you do on my site, your IP is logged. You rate my site; IP logged, sign my guestbook; IP logged. You get where I’m going with this. Well, some people have been making an ass of themselves with rating my site with zero or leaving very rude comments in my guestbook. Now, I just don’t believe someone could think my site sucks that much. You know? Well, people who have been making an ass of themselves has had their IP blocked. Because I have that power! 😉

I thought I would just bring that up. Because I guess some people don’t think that I’m smart enough to block IPs. It’s one of my favorite things EVER! Just kidding! 😀

I feel like I’m going to be sick

The the past couple days I have felt like I’m going to be sick. Not a little sick, but like I need to run for the bathroom. :yuck: I have been sleeping about 10-14 hours every night. I feel like I need it. If I don’t get that much I feel like I am going to fall a sleep in the middle of talking. Which has never happen to me. Man, the more days go by the more I believe I’m having a baby.

Thank you everyone who left such sweet and hopeful comments. It means a lot to me and my husband. I know a couple of you guys made the comment about how young I am. I know I’m very young but I know the older I get the harder it is to get pregnant and to take care of a child. My husband is 23 and is going on 24 in December. I’ll be 20 in November. So, we are not as young as soon mothers and fathers. I know that even though we are young, my husband will stand by me no matter what. I know that my husband would NEVER just drop his family to do what he wanted and I know that my husband would work himself to death to put food on the table for his family. I pray he would never do that (work himself to death) but I know he would.

I need to get off the rant. LOL Well, it really isn’t a rant but anywho. I have to go to Keith’s cousin, Rachel’s baby shower this Saturday. I kind of don’t want to go but I know I need to since I’m newest family member and it would be nice of me. We bought the baby sleepers and little Ts and a toy peep. The peep is my favorite thing. Its all cute and stuff. I think her baby is about 4 or 5 weeks old now.

I have decided to make our baby’s first blanket. I’m crocheting our baby’s blanket. I am using yarn that is purple, blue, light green, yellow and dark green and the colors flow right in to each other. I will have to take some pictures when I’m done. 😀 I am very proud of it. I know those colors can be used on either a boy or a girl. You know? I told Keith I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl as long as they are healthy and happy. That’s the important thing to me and he agrees. But deep down I know he wants a boy. What man doesn’t?