25Feb   Infertility is all too heartbreaking

ivf18

People that have never suffered with infertility on a daily bases will never understand the pain and hurt someone like my husband and I go through. People will never know the thoughts, the strain on our marriage because the thought of completing your family is so out of reach all because you don’t have a big enough bank account. You don’t have the $5,000 – $10,000 for IVF nor do you have the $10,000 – $40,000 to adopt. And it’s all not just about money either.

I’m mad at my body, I’m mad at his body all because we can’t do the one damn thing our bodies are suppose to do. Create life. You have this idea in your head when you first start trying for a baby. It won’t take long, a few months. Then weeks, months, and then years start going by and you realize that this idea you had will never be. That’s hard to deal with. It’s even harder to deal with the fact that you and your husband are the 20% that infertility effects both. How “lucky” can you be?

ivf30

I hate the person infertility has turned me into. I want to be happy for my friends and family that are starting their families. I want to be happy when I see birth announcements. I don’t want to hide my friends on FB because they are posting belly pictures and updates. I don’t want to be bitter. I just want to be happy like healthily, normal people. I don’t want to have to ask my husband questions like “we will be okay if we never have kids?” or “will this life be enough for us?”. Sometimes it is all too heartbreaking.


14Feb   Happy Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day to me! From my amazingly prefect other half! I love you, Kyle Thomas!!

He got me a new necklace and ring. And wrote me the sweetest note. Telling me that he was glad he found his other half of his lost soul. I am so lucky. I love my husband so much.

And he surprised me with roses, candy and a card when he got home from work.

roses, candy and card

V-Day 2014


29Jan   Wordless Wednesday

Feeling super cute!

Feeling super cute!


24Dec   Even in

Even in my darkness night he stands by my side.

I love you Kyle Thomas without you I don’t think I could ever be half the person you have made me into. I truly am a better person for having you in my life!

Me & Kyle at a wedding!

Me & Kyle at a wedding!


19Nov   Infertility sucks!

Sometimes I feel like my infertility makes me a terrible person because I hate looking at social media and seeing everyone pregnant or just had a baby and I just want to de-friend each and everyone of them. I truly want to be happy but I have so much hate because they each one of them has the only thing I truly want. The one thing that I want to complete my family is the one thing I can’t get.

I am going under treatment for my infertility and I still haven’t got pregnant yet. I have only taken the Clomid only one cycle but my doctors told me not to take it this month since Kyle hasn’t had a chance to go to the urologist (Kyle has a low sperm count and we don’t know why since all his blood work came back normal). His appointment is at the end of this month, once he does that we find out his problem we go from there. I am so sick and tired of dealing with it out.

Why can’t it just happen? Why can’t I be the one? Why can’t I just be happy for everyone? I am so tired.