23Feb   The eye of the beholder

I wrote this in May 2009 and it holds just as much true now as it did then. I thought I would repost it.

It’s all about perception. How we perceive things. How we perceive the situation. How we look at it from our point of view.

We all see things one way or another. How we look at something is why we do what we do in the end. Why we decide to move or pick our friends, the job we have. We all have reasons. In the end it is why we did what we did.

I can’t explain some of my actions over the years. All I can say is it was how I perceived the situation at that time. I did what I felt was right at that time. I wish I had more of an answer but I don’t. This upsets me to a point but all in all. I can’t take it back. I can try to make up for it. I can try to hope that when I am dead and gone and I am watching this movie called “Life”. I can laugh and realize their was a point to it all.

That my love didn’t die in vane. My thoughts and feelings was for no reason. That my ideas was there and meaningful. I hope in the end how I perceived things was everything that I had hoped for. That I couldn’t have asked for more.


24Dec   A sad Christmas for us

Friday (12.20.13), Kyle & I learned we will never conceive children naturally. Our only hope most likely will be IVF. That’s a tough pill to swallow.

People who have biological children don’t really understand what it’s like to realize there is a very real chance you will NEVER be able to conceive naturally. Hence, even considering adoption takes a huge leap of faith because as much as you will love any child you may adopt, they will never be the combination of you and your partner’s genes.

Every holiday with family that has babies/children is a kick in the womb. All I can think about is how Kyle & I might not ever get the chance so many bad parents take for granted. How unfair is that? I feel like my infertility is consuming me. I hate the person I’m turning into because of it. I’ve never been the one for being jealous of anyone but I am. I’m jealous that to me everyone has the only thing I can’t have: a child.

At what length is too great to try to make your family complete? How much money is too much to spend? How long is to long? When is it time to realize your womb, your family, your whole idea for what you wanted might never be? When is it time to except your dreams are broken? When?


5Apr   Tiny #photoadayApril

Tiny

Tiny

Tiny: Photo A Day Challenge (The tiny heart on my ring finger that I got tattooed a few weeks back. It’s the little things that mean more than the world to me.)


4Apr   Someone who makes you happy #photoadayApril

Someone who makes you happy

Someone who makes you happy

Someone who makes you happy: Photo A Day Challenge (Which would be my wonderful and amazing husband! He is my everything!!)


28Mar   The over due list

Epic

Epic

This month like every other month is super busy. This that happen:

  • March 9th: My mom’s 50th birthday. Had a family dinner and cake at my house
  • March 13th: Got my tattoo touched up and another added to my left rib cage
  • March 16th: Caroline’s 14th birthday. Went to her party
  • March 16th & 17th: We went to TN rented a hotel for the night, got up the next morning and went to one of our friends wedding PS: I love mini-road trips with my husband.
  • March 24th: Friends had grill out and game night
  • March 29th: (tomorrow) Kyle gets the rest of his arm finished up. Tattoos for all!

Also, I ordered a pretty nice camera from Toys R Us should be getting that in the mail any day. Which means I need to renew my Flickr account now.

As you can see from my list I am busy. This doesn’t include my 30 hour work week nor full time college student nor full time wife. 😛 But would I change at thing. . .never!

Also, this is wordless Wednesday; so here is a picture!!