sick

Aside

Oral surgery

I have been doing fairly well besides the tooth I broke off last week. First day of work last week, I was eating at Wendy’s before I went in and one of my back molar just broke. It has had a filling in it and that filling has been redone and still having trouble out of it. I have decided to just pull the sucker. It hurts so bad. Well, it didn’t hurt until I went to get it pulled today. They couldn’t get it out, so I had to go to a oral surgeon today and I have an appointment Friday to get it removed. :blah:

I am in so much pain right now. I am taking Advil like candy. I’m just waiting on Kyle to get home. I just want to cuddles.

Aside

Consequences of misfortune

Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.

Okay, last night early morning I stated I was going to blog about something that has been bothering me for a couple of weeks now. This being my ex Cody his mother Branda is dating a sex offender. This wouldn’t be nearly as bad if this sex offender wasn’t caught with “POSS W/INT TO PROMOTE CHILD PORNOGRAPHY”. And to even add more fuel to the fire, Branda has known this whole time of dating him. (Over 3 years now) She has let this man around her children and her grandchild which isn’t even a year old yet. It get’s worse; this man had pictures of children as young as six and seven years old on his computer. I looked over all the court records I could find, which seems to be all of them and I am horrified about this. Not only because of lack of parenting skills, but also the fact she doesn’t seem to have a problem with this fact. She is okay with this. And to make it even creeper, she also dresses in “cute” outfits for him. Right now, her FB page has her dressed as a lollipop girl. Does she not see this feeds his problem? I can’t believe as a mother she doesn’t want to protect her children. Her response is this “If I thought you guys (her children) was in any danger I would have said something.” My point of view is, why even temp it. Why even let your children get influence by a man that has this past?

In the court documents it stated he sent pictures of these children to other people, with subject titles “This is me and my niece, Sky.” Within these pictures was a man having sex with a child/pre-teen/teenager. What is okay about this? He claims that he was trying to catch someone doing this. Why on earth would you send pictures like that to other people? He didn’t have one but 17 pictures of children ranging from the age of six or seven to teenagers, maybe the age of 15 or 16. This is a very sick man. It turns my stomach to knots thinking about this. To think I ate meals with this man, been to his house, him in my house. AND I was almost family with this man.

You have to be kidding me? That’s all I could say when I found all this out. I am still almost speechless about it. I know this information because I have remain friends with Carrie, Cody’s step-mother and his father. As a father Chris is out raged, because she had the nerve to try to fight for custody for those boys to live with her and that man. How on God’s green earth can you think that is okay? I am glad Chris is taking the steps to protect his children because she isn’t; it looks like. She thinks it is completely okay and can’t figure out why everyone is upset about it. Yet again, I am repeating myself, are you kidding me? I just can’t picture that being okay in any situation.

People never seem to surprise me. And the kids are mad at Chris and Carrie. I’m not even sure why. They said that it isn’t just causing trouble for Branda’s boyfriend but also her. Well, sometimes, you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. Her consequences for letting someone like that around her children and thinking it is okay might be losing her children forever. And I don’t see how that would be a problem at this point. I don’t see how that would be a bad thing.

Okay, I have a ton more to say but I might start repeating myself. Not sure how to end this but I hope for Chris and Carrie this can be settled like adults and not cause anymore problems then what it has but I don’t see that happening due to the fact, the children (Cody, Micki, Rowdy and Cortland) are so bad about blaming others for actions that themselves has done and not handling there own consequences and seeing both sides without being biased. Everyone in that family besides Chris and Carrie will stab someone in the back and take sweet to their face and because of this, they agree with Chris today and tomorrow their mother is right. I feel very sorry for this family. They will never grow as people because of this. They will be stuck in this ugly cycle.

Aside

Job and LEEP

I finally got a job. I am so happy. I got a job at Krystal as a morning manger. I will be making $9.50 an hour and it’s part time which works out great.

And yesterday I had my LEEP done. I am in some pain but over all it isn’t to bad. On the plus side I am on Spring Break. 🙂

Life is good. Simply simple.

Aside

Cervical Dysplasia

Monday I found out I have cervical dysplasia, which if you don’t know is pre-cancerous cells on my cervix. Which means, if I don’t get it taken care of it will turn in to cancer. I’m scared to death.

I haven’t told but a handful of people, my family, Kyle’s family and my bestie. I don’t even know how to act or feel. I mean, it could be a whole lot worse but then again it could be better as well. I don’t even know. I want to tell myself this is all okay.

But I am scared of the treatment. Of scar tissue on my cervix and how hard it will be to get pregnant later down the road.

The treatment for this is called LEEP (loop electrosurgical excision procedure) and how it works is an electrically charged loop made of thin wire is inserted through the speculum and up to the cervix. As the loop is passed across the cervix, it cuts away a thin layer of surface tissue, removing the abnormal cells. This tissue will be later tested for cancer or abnormal cells. Finally, a medicated paste is applied to the area to prevent bleeding.

I am looking so forward to this. But whatever the case maybe, I have to have it done. Bottom line, I’m scared.

Aside

So many questions

Today you said you was leaving. . .or you might be. I wish I was mad at you for this but I’m not. I’m not angry nor do I hate you. I wish I was angry. That way it didn’t hurt so bad. I want you happy. I feel lost, like I don’t know what to do. I feel scared like I child. I feel. . .to much right now.

I have been crying, sleeping being depressed. I don’t know what else to do or how to deal with this feeling. I wish I was back on my depression medication maybe I could handle this better. When was talking this morning, I wasn’t yelling nor was you. Which was nice to sit down and talk without each other being mad or yelling. I have so many questions but no answers and the questions I feel like I can’t even put into words to get an answer. Most likely you really don’t have an answer anyway or if you do I most likely won’t want to hear it. It will be so over whelming, I mean, it is already. I cry because I don’t know what else to do. That’s crazy. Silly.

I know crying doesn’t solve anything but that’s all I can bring myself to do.