Cody

ex-P.O.S

New laptop

I am sitting here waiting for time to be closer to go pick up Cody. I feel lost, I left my phone at his house and I didn’t feel like going back to get it after I was already back at my house before I realized it was gone. Silly me. 🙁

I haven’t been doing much today. I watched a couple shows of Cold Case. Then did dishes. I’m putting off doing the floors until tomorrow. Everything else is done. Dishes, picked up bedroom and living room.

I got a new laptop last night. I have been having tons of fun with it. Just installing programs and what not. I think I’m spending the night with Cody tonight so I can play around with it more there.

I also, banned the lovely IPs coming from an area in KY. I thought it would be funny. 🙂 It makes me smile a little. But anyway, it is almost time to leave and I need to get my stuff together.

His deceit

People amaze me. They really do. I think about my life. My idea of where I want to be. Who I want to be. What I am going to do when I grow up. You know what I have no clue. I am okay with this.

This scares me to death. That I am okay with this. I am 23 going on 24. Aren’t I suppose to know what I want. At least an idea. I know the people I want in my life. But that is about it. Crazy thought.

I am not sure what to make about this thought. This fear. I know what I need to get done in life. I need to get Greg out of my life for good. That means I need to get everything together to get the divorce. Then I can drop him out of my life forever. I don’t regret much but he is one thing I do. I wish I had never met him. He pulled me in with his lies. His deceit.

I’m not going to lie. I got sucked in. I fell for it all. I can’t believe how stupid. How dumb I am. Wait, I can. It happens.

I’m not sure where this entry is going just wanted to write. I need to finish painting my nails. I need another coat. Then dishes. Then I am heading back over to Cody’s I think. I miss him.

Silly, Silly, Silly

I love him. Simply put. Nothing more, nothing less. I have been trying. Really trying. I don’t understand. I know what I did was wrong. I feel like I have made up for my actions. I have tried on so many levels to fix every little mistake.

We have moments that are unbelievable. So perfect. Then we have moments like tonight on the phone. He feels like I have a tone. The tone says things I did not. Even when I truly don’t have a problem. I do says the tone. In all reality. Nothing was wrong. I said what I meant. I said how I felt. God dang! Hello?

He finds ways to fight with me sometimes. I don’t understand. I love him. I just want us to be okay. I want everything to play out correctly. For once. Not a happy ending but just a “my world is not crashing” ending. I just want to be content. I’m not looking for a happy moment, every moment of every day. I just want to be content.

I get that when he is in a good mood. I get to be content sometimes. When he deems it so. It has been his way or no way for months now. Since I started trying to be back with him. Which is okay. If he wants it that way. But god dang. When is enough, enough. How much do I have to do or take to make it “even”?

I’m not even sure of this blog entry. I am just upset over a stupid phone call. It was nothing. I promise, promised that I was okay. Which I am. I am okay. I am just upset too. I’m not mad. I just think it is totally silly. I mean, really.

I guess I need to go a head and get my shower. Get my clothes together. I have a job interview tomorrow at 11am. Then work at 12pm.

March birthdays

I’m in a really good mood. Not sure why. The month of February I sucked at blogging. I don’t think I did anything more or less that month just didn’t get around to blogging. I’m at Cody’s tonight watching them play rock band. Listening to my iPhone and hanging out.

I got a nice hot shower. Just messing around on the net. My mom’s birthday was Monday. Went to Applebees Sunday. Monday the 16th will be Caroline’s birthday. So much fun. I told mom tonight if Caroline wants to spend the Saturday night with me she can and she can have a friend over. OMG! Eleven. I can not believe it already. It feels like just yesterday I was going to the hospital to watch her being born. WOW!

Tomorrow is going to be an okay at work. My team I’m on gets lunch brought in to us. Yummy! 🙂 Feel lunch is always good.

I might get off here and txt my Cammie.

Beautiful part

I was thinking about mine and Cody’s relationship. It’s odd. I really can’t make heads or tails of it but you know what it works right now. I’m not questioning it. I think about to this couple I work with and she said something that totally made since. They are always fighting about him talking or sitting next to a girl and he is doing the same about her sitting next to a guy. She said “We just work”. Simple as that. It just works.

On the plus side mine and Cody’s fights never entail who we are talking to or sitting next too. I have to say we really do just work. We get a long great now. We hardly ever fight and I know some fighting is normal with any couple. We really aren’t a couple. We are but we are not.

I like the fact we have limits but we don’t have labels. I like that he loves me. He has seen my worse and my best. My middle ground and my low. He still loves me. He may hate me at times but their is a fine line between love and hate.

I know none of this is making any logic but that is the beautiful part, it doesn’t have too. Simple put, I am truly happy right now. No questions ask.