I am going to fly tomorrow for the first time ever in my life. I am going to New York to visit my friend. She came down here in May. I am so excited. 😀 I can not wait. I am scared too. I will be gone from Saturday to Saturday.
Wish me luck. I will post about the trip during or after I get back. Much love.
I have been aiming to blog forever. I have no real reason why I haven’t done so sooner. I have had time, I have had subjects I wanted to talk about, and so forth and so on but truly, I haven’t because I couldn’t muster the energy to do it.
The last few months have been very trying physically, mentally, and emotionally. I have started my depression medications back which has helped a little bit but a lot of it really is just pushing myself forward. Trying not to step backwards in this battle.
I twittered a while back saying “Depression is such a hard fight. I feel like I am fighting a battle I will never win.” and I feel that way 99% most of the time because of the fact as soon as I think it is getting better, it kicks me down again.
I feel so overwhelmed due to the fact, I am a full time college student now (by the way, I am very happy and proud of), a home owner (which means no land lord to call if something goes wrong), working part-time (sometimes closer to full time) and trying to have a social life. . .well, kind of a social life. The closest to one as I want to get at this moment in time. That’s a lot on my plate right now for one single person. I don’t have someone to share my stress with or help me with the things I need to get done or to even share anything with. I’m doing it alone.
I have been very lucky that my father and one of his friends has been doing the major things that need to be done outside to my home. Like building me a new front deck and they fixed my back one. We have the whole outside cleaned up. And random fact: I totally found a stop sign under my trailer. How awesome!?! 😀
Anyway, I do have more I want to write but I am lost for words at the moment. I am working on a new layout finally. I will be getting my new laptop either tonight or tomorrow. I am selling my 15.6″ laptop and getting a netbook since I have a desktop too.
I did register for classes a little over a week ago. I’m pretty happy about my weekly schedule. I will be only going to class on Monday and Wednesday. That means, I can still work 3 days a week. 🙂 Also, I have only on Mondays a three hour block before my last class, so I can do homework and do my work for my online class.
My classes are:
It feels like I am going to have some pretty easy classes this semester and on top of that they are feel like I can keep up. I won’t know until I have class and get to know my teachers but I am super excited.
On the plus side I just bought my laptop in February, so I at least have a good laptop for school. I am getting back a large sum of money so I can have living money. I think over all everything is going to be okay. Well, I hope so.
Let me rephrase that, in this area of my life everything seems to be okay.
I am registering for classes tomorrow for college. I can’t believe it. I am finally getting it all together. I will start in August. I have almost $5,000 in financial aid. My classes should cost only around $1,500 for my first semester and I am guessing around $500 in books. I hope less but I’m not sure since I won’t know what classes until tomorrow. And I won’t know what books I need until about two weeks before class. The amazing thing about my financial aid is I don’t have to pay any of it back. I got all grants. Amazing!! 🙂
I hope to get back almost $3,000. Which will be nice, since I plan on dropping my hours at work to make sure I have enough time for school. I will get that for two semesters until I fill my financial aid out again during tax time. I am guess I will keep getting grants since I am a low income house hold.
I am going to school to do what I love Web development. I am really surprised when I did the COMPASS test, which is a placement test I did as well as I did. I am not a test taker. On reading, I got a 93 out of a 100. Which is equal to 20+ on the ACT, a 70 in English, which is equal to 18+ on the ACT test and my Math skills was in the lower half I can’t remember it. I have to take a pre-college math class, which is okay with me. Just because I haven’t been in school in 6 years and the idea of going into classes with some idea of what I am doing is better then not knowing anything when I get there. So, the pre-class is okay with me. lol
I am so scared and happy at the same time. I am looking so forward in starting this new chapter of my life.
Today you said you was leaving. . .or you might be. I wish I was mad at you for this but I’m not. I’m not angry nor do I hate you. I wish I was angry. That way it didn’t hurt so bad. I want you happy. I feel lost, like I don’t know what to do. I feel scared like I child. I feel. . .to much right now.
I have been crying, sleeping being depressed. I don’t know what else to do or how to deal with this feeling. I wish I was back on my depression medication maybe I could handle this better. When was talking this morning, I wasn’t yelling nor was you. Which was nice to sit down and talk without each other being mad or yelling. I have so many questions but no answers and the questions I feel like I can’t even put into words to get an answer. Most likely you really don’t have an answer anyway or if you do I most likely won’t want to hear it. It will be so over whelming, I mean, it is already. I cry because I don’t know what else to do. That’s crazy. Silly.
I know crying doesn’t solve anything but that’s all I can bring myself to do.