Kyle

My husband

Aside

Little issues

Last night was terrible. I could not sleep to save my life. I was tired but just couldn’t sleep. I hate when that happens. I don’t think it was the Coke I drank because that had been with dinner and after that I drank water. I don’t know but it sure made it hard to get up today.

I have a few things today today around the house before I go to my grandmother’s house. I must do dishes, littler box and trash. I might also make my bed, because that always makes me feel better. Something about walking into a room with a fresh made bed, always makes me smile. 😀

Today was Kyle’s payday so I am paying bills this afternoon while he is at work. That way we know how much we have to work with for gas this next two weeks. We have school starting this coming week and he has to go back and forth to work. The downside is that the van Kyle was driving died. So, we are not a one car family which makes this really hard. But on the plus side, Kyle’s step-dad does live in BG where we go to school and Kyle works. That means I can hang at his house until Kyle gets done with work. It is going to be hard but we are looking at new cars. We only have around 3 weeks until we get our school money. They we can fix this little issue. I just hope that all the jobs I have applied for waits until I can get back and forward.

[Edit at 4:55pm] Today has turned out better then my night. I got all my house cleaning done. All bills paid that needed it. We are even going to do the yard tonight when Kyle gets home. All in all not a bad day. 🙂

PS: I added the “like button” back to the side of the entries, Cammie. I hope that makes you a little happier!!

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3x Thursday – Favorite

3x Thursday – Who are your 3 favorite people in your life? Why?

  1. Cammie – been my bestest friend for over 12 years. I have no clue what I would do without this women. I guess go crazy!!
  2. Kyle – He is truly my other half. I couldn’t picture my life without him in it.
  3. Kathy – My other best friend. She is amazing. She is sweet but will always tell you what you need to hear. Even if you don’t want too.
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Just another day

The most boring of days. I woke up, and I needed to go grocery shopping and pick up Kyle’s van. I woke up about an hour before I was being picked up by Kyle’s mom Cendy (my soon-to-be mother-in-law). Before she came to pick me up I did the few things I have been aiming to do. Like putting away three loads of clean clothes. Washing another load. I also made my bed and took a shower before she picked me up. I was on it this morning. We went to Wal-Mart and Kroger. It was a very nice day.

Tomorrow I call about my test results that I had done a week ago tomorrow. I have everything that can be crossed, crossed. I am hoping for the good but I am preparing myself for the worse. I try not to think like that but I can’t help it sometimes.

I also have a family meeting with Life Skills tomorrow with Caroline. She is 13 thinking she is 21. And she thinks she is an adult. Her actions speak so load. She is so much a child. She has no idea what she is doing to her life. But that is another time and place.

Aside

Two options

I feel like I should update on life. Not a whole lot of stuff going on day to day life but some stuff does happen. Right now I had to have another biopsy over cervical dysplasia. Which in normal talk “pre-cancer” or the start of cancer. Which to me I thought couldn’t get any scarier then, August 1st, I had to have another biopsy done. Those cells are showing up again, not sure how bad yet but the doctor came into the office while I wait half naked. Stating two things if this pre-cancer is back or worse then it was in February I have two options. That is it. TWO! I am thinking okay. It can’t be that bad. Well, I was wrong.

Option one is put me in the hospital this time and do another LEEP / colposcopy and / or a cone biopsy. They want to take more of my cervices. Or Option two a hysterectomy. Not in my wildest dreams did I think that at 25 I would have to face this choice. That my future husband may not be able to have children and that his options for children can be answered for him because of this. I am so hurt by it. I won’t have a real answer to what I have to do until I get my results. Longest wait ever! They said 3 – 5 days. I should know something by Friday.

Kyle said he loves me and won’t leave if we can’t have children. They we have other options besides having children ourselves. But I wanted us to have a family so bad. I wanted us to have the whole life together. I just feel so sad and scared and hurt and so many other things that I just can’t put into words right now. I know he loves me, but how can he still want to be with someone that can’t have children. He said he kind of wanted a family but he loves me and wants what is best for me.

I love him so much and I am truly lucky to have someone like him. He cares so much and is willing to even sacrifice this for me. This is someone that loves me without borders, without limitations. Thank you Kyle for being so amazing and prefect for me!